So I recently found out that I am pregnant... but I really don't know if this is a good thing or not. I am a full time student and I work to support myself. I don't think the father will likely to help, he has commitment issues. Yet I am having a hard time deciding if I will regret having or not having this child. I will say before hand that I don't think abortion is for me... I really don't like the idea of taking care of this issue through killing an innocent soul.

Basically, I know there are many mothers on this site, and I would love to hear any advice because I have never had a mother figure to look to. So yeah, if you could share an experiences or opinions I am completely open ears to it all.

Well I'm not a mother, and won't ever be. I have some medical issues that prevent that. However I can imagine how hard this situation must be for you. Children are hard work and it sounds like you have no support system. I applaud you for looking for alternative means since you are set against abortion. I would suggest talking to a councelor at Planned Parenthood or another free service. There are dozens of reputable ones out there. This is a big decision.

It sounds like you don't have the time or means to have a child at this point in your life. If you truly believe you can't make it work, and can't keep this child I would suggest adopting your baby out. Private agencies will set you up with a couple wanting a child. Good, reputable agencies take you and the couple through counceling so that you all understand what is going to happen. There are a number of arrangements you can make. If you don't want contact with the baby again you can have that, or you can make an agreement to still be a part of the child's life after he/she is born. Though it will of course be secondary to the adoptive parents. You do sign your parental rights away and there is usually some contract involved through the agency, but it sounds like it would be your best option if you can't keep the baby.

I wish you all the best and I hope you get some counceling to really speak this over.

See I thought about that. I was wondering if I would regret it though. I have the money to support the child, that wouldn't be the issue, but time might be. I mean I would give birth in the summer and have a couple of months before school begins again. But I really wasn't positive if it is possible to go to school and work with a child.

But thank you for this information. I will look into counceling to see what the best option would be.

On that note, I am sorry to hear that you can't have kids. I myself was told that chance is very low... which I suppose I should of mentioned before. People in my family find it difficult to concieve due to a medical issue passed through the genes. Which is another reason why I am thinking so hard on this.

Hm, this is a hard one. Like mentioned before you should go to counseling so they could give you more options. I have heard that if you do decide to give the baby away to adoption, they usually don't let you see him/her after you give birth. Because after seeing the baby, a lot of people have a hard time giving them up.

It's something you really, really need to think about. You can work and go to school while raising a baby. But you will have to sacrifice a lot things(You won't have as much time on the internet) Also there are a lot of daycare places that can take care of the baby while you are at work. As for school, do you know if you could do it online? Maybe go to classes once a week. You may also have to cut down your work hours at first too. Until you can get a schedule set for both you and the baby.

Write a list of the pros and cons of keeping the child, also write a list of pros and cons that you will have with giving it into adoption. This is a hard issue, take your time to think about.

Babies are alot of work and money. You are a student...how close to graduation are you? Is it close or far away. I have two good friends who were single mothers, it wasn't easy for either of them, but I don't think that they would have had done it any other way, the fathers are wastes of spaces, but in the meantime(their boys are now in high school) they have both found great guys to spend the rest of their lives with. They also had a great family support system as well (they are cousins).

If your family isn't going to be supportive/helpful and you just don't see a baby in your future right now, then what about adopting. There is nothing wrong with it. Many couples try in vain forever to have a little one, and it never happened for them, so they adaopt. You could be the one to give them a gift they never thought would happen for them.

You could be thinking... I'll do adoption, but then get used to the idea of having a child of your own(you could be shell shocked right now, "OMG I'm what!, what am I going to do now?") give it a little time to sink in, feel the little guy move and you might think, this is the greatest thing I never thought I would ever want.

If you have medical issues that could prevent you from becoming pregnant, and the fact that you have is against the odds, then I suggest you think very hard about the decision to give this child up. I know I'm somewhat biased here as I will never be able to get pregnant, but really with your medical problems this might be your one shot. School will always be there. It's hard to pick it up when you take time off, but it's not impossible. There are many programs to help single mothers. I know my state gives money to single mothers to help pay for child care if you apply. Many schools actually have daycare programs for students. They're not free, but they are far less expensive then private daycares. There are so many avenues of help if you look. I understand you seem to be alone, and have no support system, but this is a very big decision.

You need to ask yourself that if this could be your one chance at having a baby because of your medical issues is it really one you want to let you pass by because of current circumstances? As I said school will always be there. You can take internet courses and cut back the hours you do in actual class and any other numnber of things to ensure you have time to care for the baby. Really think about this on a long term scale. And as I said previously don't make this decision without going to counceling. This is a big decision and not to be made lightly. Many colleges actually have pregnancy counceling and can help you get into many of the programs I've mentioned. Get all the information before you make a decision.

My prayers are with you.

Also, you asked would you regret it if you gave the child up? I can't answer that, but I can assure you you'd never forget it. If you gave the child up for the rest of your life you'd know you had a child out there and weren't raising it as your own. I'm not saying adoption isn't a good avenue. I'm just saying there is no easy choice here. If you give your child up, and use a reputable agency that does background and psychiatric evals on their applicants, than you will have the assurance your child is going to a good loving home. However as this decision is obviously hard for you it is obvious you're already emotionally invested, and you would probably always wonder "What if". That doubt can be unbelievably hard on some.

I'm not arguing against adoption because I hope one day I might be able to pursue this avenue myself and will be praying for a woman like you who is looking for a loving home for their child, but I don't want you to do something you regret and will regret the rest of your life.

Speaking as someone who is trying to have a baby and may never be able to, I think that adoption is a noble and heaven-sent thing for someone to do. I am sure it is a very hard decision, but you could make a couple that cannot have children very happy. I don't know exactly what the doctors told you regarding the probability for conception seeing as how you mentioned that conception is difficult for those in your family, but there is no shame in not being ready for a child right now. Based on what I have seen in friends and family, being a single parent is probably the hardest thing one would ever go through. If you are not ready, give the gift of a family to a couple that desperately wants one, and can afford everything a child needs, including a stable environment with two loving parents.

Good luck!

I got pregnant right at the end of my senior year, I was lucky in the man i was with was just that a man, we got married have been together since going on 18yrs this coming year. We are not the norm though and i know this, we were only going out 3 months when we got married, and only together a month when i got pregnant, this was less than a month after being told i couldn't have kids. Dr's are not always right and sometimes it is a miracle and should be viewed as such. You need to think very hard and go to someone who you trust and can ask for non biased, honest opinion about what to do.

Adoption is great if done through a good agency , and if you have clergy or a pastor you trust they can help set it up with a good agency. If you chose not to have anything to do with the child if you do go the adoption route, you must think to give a complete medical history on your family. I speak from experience, my mom and i didnt find out until one of my great aunts died when i was in my 20's that my grandfather was not her real father, it has been annoying but explains alot of things in my health and kids health. Like in both sides of my family i and my brother are the only set of twins, have major health issues as children etc..

I am not pro-choice nor am i pro-life, i feel that it is a decision that everyone must make on their own, and yes i think the father to be should have an opinion, however that said, some factors outweigh the father's right and opinion,those factors being mother's health. I have a heart condition and i was told if i get pregnant again i would most likely die and i would be unable to take my meds if i did. Hubby and i sat down and decided while not what we wanted if the issue came up we would go the abortion route because i have three kids at home that do need their mother, it was hard for me because i have had several miscarriages in the past, Thankfully hubby decided on his own to get 'fixed' so we wouldnt face that issue and he made sure it was nonreversable.

Being a parent is hard and sometimes you will think why did i do this, but it is worth it if you truly want it. I wish you luck and hope you can do what you need, this is a hard decision.

Ps Are you sure the guy wont be involved, he may have commitment issues to you but would they extend to a child? I wouldnt have thought my hubby would have stayed with me but i was surprised he did just like my friend was when her fiance ran for the hills. My hubby and i met, and mean met for the first time in end of march 92, were married by july of 92 and havent regretted it.

I want to thank everyone for their opinions. Everything that you all said is helping me to think about what I need to consider. Though I still haven't made a decision yet I am really thankful for all your help. I need more time to think about it, but I am really happy to hear all the opinions and experiences that others have. Thanks!

Well this is just what I think, but if you don't think you could give the child a good life, you could always give the child up for adoption. That in my opinion is the most loving thing you could do for a child you aren't ready to have. Then it would have a good life

I've been thinking about your situation, and sending positive thoughts your way, Angelic. WHATEVER you decide, I can guarantee you will always be second guessing yourself. Asking "what if". No matter which way you decide to choose, you will still wake up in the middle of the night, wondering and worrying if you did the right thing. If you decide to raise the baby yourself, you will always wonder if it could have had a better life with two parents. If you decide to end the pregnancy, from time to time someone will say something that makes you feel regret and remorse. If you put the baby up for adoption, you will wonder if it is having a good life. You come to a fork in the path and you have to choose for yourself, and then live with the consequences. When I was your age, I didn't think I could handle the financial, emotional, or even logistical needs of a child. As the years went on, I never stopped feeling that way, and every guy who wanted to have a baby with me, I would look at and look at, trying to decide if he would stay through thick and thin. I thought about the gene pool and their money making prospects. I thought about how they react to stress and how they would treat a child that became "inconvenient" to them. Suddenly (and it does happen suddenly, just wait and see) I realized I was in my 40s, and the "right" time to have a baby had never come. Because of your medical issue, I would think long and hard about keeping the baby. Think about baking Christmas cookies with a child that would be a part of you, or hanging ornaments on the Christmas tree together. Raising a child would change your life, and it will be difficult and inconvenient. Kids get sick, they whine, and they cost a whole lot of money. A lot of times, they aren't cute at all. On the other hand, if you have this baby, it will be your FAMILY. People who sacrifice relationships in the name of financial success, or for any practical reason at all, are usually not happy, joyful people. Whatever you do, it will have good and bad aspects. Just choose your path, and choose to SEE the positive aspects of your decision, not the negative. That is the big lesson I have learned in life.