and you name the chapter "not so easily forgiven" ,i don't see such thing at that
so i read from start to stop and i hafta say i like it but you have some issues here. first of all there's HUGE time issue with Naraku's little bit in this story. in the first chapter, you have him engaged to kagura who he later married and eventually devorced then some time after that he met kikyo and had a daughter with her. who was 15 when he kidnapped Kagome and the pup, 9 moths after she passed out from seeing Sess kis Kagura. so For Naraku 17 years passed from the Sess/Kagu kiss til he kidnaped Kagome and for her only 9 months passed. O_O
That was really my biggest thing, but also your having them, Kagome and her son fight this too much, more Kagome then anything else, i understand what she's been through but at the same time, she should instinctually want to be with Sess, she should also want to find comfort in his embrace and let him know whats she's been through why she acts like that. He should be able to scent it if nothing else, and be able to probe and all.
Then are they mates or not? b/c you've mentioned many times that they refer to themselves as mates but i dont remember a mating happening. in fact you spefically had them not mate.
other then that i really liked this and i cant wait for more. wonderful job. - r0o
tifany (Chapter 14) - Sat 18 Oct 2008
| kags is mean!!!!!!!!!!
Zoku (Chapter 4) - Sat 18 Oct 2008
| Chapter 4 "There was no way to repair the years of hurt she suffered..."
time line, it should read months, no?
This is the second time I am reading this story I assume I read it on S.S. too, I am glad to have found it again. I enjoy reading it. Do you have a beta reader though? There are some things (like above) that if fixed would make reading the story feel a lot smoother and more coherent. Good luck, and I look forward to reading more.
sincerely,
Zoku
Zoku (Chapter 14) - Sat 18 Oct 2008
| I'm sorry for posting the comment before I had read further, I see that you addressed the time issue in an AN, so, my apologies. Did you finish this on S.S. before it closed? I forgot what a great plot twist you had!
Best of luck with your future writings.
Sincerely,
Zoku
Suzzanne (Chapter 14) - Sat 18 Oct 2008
| What about Kagome's other child?Ttsuyoi's twin? Why is Kagome not going to her other child? What mother would abandon(and she has! not by choice at first but by refusing to go home) there child? I mean she could have phoned when it was safe. OR Does she not know she has another child? Anyway I like your shory but I think theres a few holes, but they'll probally fix themselves leter on.
| AaaaAAaa.... What did he see? **whiney voice** UPDATE
| it's great!
I can't wait to see what the boy will do! And Sesshomaru? Will Shippo hop in to help? Maybe he is the only one who will be able to explain what is happening to sess and why he is reacting that way! He had only survive to be able to be with her again one day and when he finally find her she is rejecting him. I don't know how sesshomaru will react if even worst his son attack him, it will kill him. But is he able to explain himself clearly what he is feeling? If he can't, hope that someone will be able to do it for him! It's time for the family to finally be whole again!
Oh God! I can't wait to see what will happen next!
please pleas, i'm begging you, update as soon as you can!!
WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 13) - Tue 14 Oct 2008
| Happy Birthday!!
I'm glad you haven't completely forgotten about this fic. I really enjoy ever minute of it since it's so contains such a unique storyline. I look forward to see what Kagome's son will do... Keep up the good work and hurry w/ the next chappie :P
WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 12) - Mon 11 Aug 2008
| That was a good chappie... it's about time that Sess found Kags. And couldn't you have made the chappie just a bit longer? But seriously, I would have killed you if you left me hanging on a cliffy. I look forward to when Sess meets his son for the first time.
WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 11) - Wed 23 Jul 2008
| It just keeps getting better and better... I absolutely love the plot twists. You definitely keep your readers on their toes. I like how Naraku plays a good guy and how the twins become fast friends without knowing that they really are siblings. I forward to when Sess finds Kagome and his son. :P
WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 9) - Tue 22 Jul 2008
| That was a good twist... Sess just can't win... And I'm surprised that u put naruka in here as a good guy. I wonder how long it takes for kagome to regain her memories? I look forward to reading the rest. Keep up the good work and hurry w/ the next chappie :P
Demonic kunoichiKagi (Chapter 9) - Sun 20 Jul 2008
| This is good.
I love Naraku and reading that he is good made me very happy.
Oh i love the story as well.
Was this posted on A Single Spark, i vaguely remember reading this story somewhere?
Anyways Update soon.
Shay (Chapter 9) - Sun 20 Jul 2008
| ohh no man you made me cry i dont like the last one but something intresting had to happend i guess, but i really love this story plz keep on writing
| Oh love this story but I can't wait to the next chapter Oh yeah Pups are going to be born.
| Cool pups are coming. Please update soon:)
WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 6) - Tue 24 Jun 2008
| It's nice to see that things are starting to pick up. The time line was a bit screwy on A.S.S. but I think you did a great job this time around to fix that a bit. It was a bit shaky at first but I think you've done such a great job so far. :P
WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 5) - Sun 22 Jun 2008
| LOL... I can't believe Kagome wasn't as mad as she should be when sess turned off her alarm. And I'm just wondering, how old is Shippou and Rin? If both are in the 7th grade then they should both be 13 right?
| I like the idea of your story but the timeline seems to be a bit off.I mean all of these things happening in less than a year. First, Kags and Sess seems like the happy couple, they have sex, she gets pregnant, he leaves her. Then she finishes school becomes a hot shot corporate business person of her own company, goes thru a merger, adopts a kid and becomes wealthy in her own right. Now her and Sess are back together again...everything way too fast... get my drift?
Topsy Krets (Chapter 4) - Fri 20 Jun 2008
| I like the whole plot of the story but it seems to be moving just a little fast. I expected her to fight him a little more before starting to forgive him. I'm interested to see how the relationship will regain the trust though.
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