Just to Be Who I Am by Deiah

Least Wanted Visitor

"Here, Kagome-sama."

She took the cup, which Miroku handed to her. Absentmindedly, she nodded off her thanks to Miroku, and then she continued to stare at the fire in front of her, as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. The fire's flames cackled and danced, its sound serving as the background for the group that gives off the homey touch for their campsite. All of them were quiet, as they waited for the return of a certain hanyou.

She glanced away from the fire to look down at the cup she was holding. A wave of emotions could be seen in her warm, brownish blue eyes as she stared at the cup, letting her fingers trace the surface pattern and cool feel of the mug. Occasionally, she felt small bumps, and twists and turns on the cup as she continued tracing its surface, hoping to forget her worry for the hanyou.

She heard a small sound, and on instinct, she looked up and glanced around for the source of the sound. She saw Shippou, who was cuddled on Sango's lap, moving only to cause the leaves around him to make small, rustling noises. She watched Shippou move closer to Sango, who was half-heartedly taking care of the kitsune. Immediately, she felt guilt gnawing in her heart. She should be the one taking care of the kitsune, not Sango. Although the kitsune doesn't need the warmth of the fire and could take care of himself, he was still young and needed a mother's love and affection.

A mother's love, huh?

She glanced at her companions, all who were staring at different directions except for Shippou, who was still sleeping. She watched Miroku, who was staring at the sky, his back resting against the tree trunk behind him. He was unusually quiet too, like the rest of them. He didn't even try to do his usual acts, such as placing his perverted hands on Sango's. No, he didn't even try. Sango was just two hands away from him, lying on the ground with Shippou right beside her. And he didn't even try. He didn't even look interested.

She felt a small smile forming on her lips as she continued observing her surroundings. Their group decided to camp by here after taking into consideration the clearing's position. There was a river near this clearing, a good fifty meters ahead and trees near them to make their position not so easy to find for an ordinary human. Leaves were scattered on the ground near Shippou, acting as a bed to make his sleep more comfortable.

She sighed softly as she placed the untouched cup down to reposition herself. She brought her knees to her chin, and then, she picked up her cup. She glanced at the contents of the cup, letting the contents swirl around.

Inuyasha...

Her head suddenly shot up at the thought, and so, she looked at Sango. She wanted to ask her if it would be okay to approach him. There were so many questions running on her mind, leaving her confused for the moment. Sango was a dear friend to her, almost like her best friend. She always relied on her to give her a good advice when she needed it.

She opened her mouth to ask for her advice but no words came out of her. She felt like as if the words were lodged on her throat. She tried to speak to her again but Sango spoke up first.

"Don't," she advised hollowly, looking away to stare at Shippou. The fire's flame cackled again. "It would hurt his ego."

"But," she tried to protest. Her voice sounded odd as it completely broke the tense silence.

"He's been through a lot," Miroku's voice said. She glanced at him but Miroku also avoided her eyes. "Sesshoumaru caused him enough pain already."

Pain, she repeated in her mind. She glanced up and saw the stars twinkling on the night skies. The stars shone brightly at them, adding a bit light to the darkness they almost got accustomed to because of the new moon. Her eyes went wide. New moon! She clenched her fists, her hold on the cup tightening. The contents of the cup were in danger of being spilled. But how could she have forgotten?

She stood up quickly, not caring if the contents of the cup would spill to the ground. She knew that he was turning to his human form today, how could she have forgotten it even for just a minute? "Sango! It's new moon, he might be-"

"We know," Miroku interrupted softly. "But he's been through a lot. Sesshoumaru defeated him just yesterday. You saw that right? It was a good thing that Inuyasha didn't get killed."

"More likely," Sango interrupted, as she turned to face them. "It's a good thing that the human child interfered."

Miroku fell silent. Then he spoke up again, "Although I couldn't quite understand why Sesshoumaru didn't just grab the Tetsusaiga when Inuyasha couldn't fight anymore. Instead, he insulted Inuyasha about his blood and then left." He shrugged carelessly. "He could have killed all of us right there and then."

Kagome's body trembled with vexation. "That's it!" she cried out as her grip on the cup loosened, dropping it in the process. She saw the content of the cup splattered all over the place but she didn't care. She didn't even care if the cup was rolling over dangerously near the fire.

Inuyasha...

"Sesshoumaru didn't get the Tetsusaiga. He could attack us now." She clenched her fists to her sides. "He could attack Inuyasha now and grab the sword. He's defenseless right now! You know that, don't you?"

The rest of the group fell silent at her words. Shippou stirred up a bit but, thankfully, he didn't wake up. Only the cackle of the flames could be heard, occasional rustling of the leaves, and the whispers of the wind. Then, Sango broke the silence.

"You're right," she said finally. "We shouldn't care about his ego now. I guess his safety should come first." She stood up, careful not to wake the young kitsune. She eyed Kagome up and down. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Kagome smiled and shook her head gratefully. She hugged Sango so abruptly that Sango almost lost her balance. Kagome giggled and let her go. "Sorry," she said quickly.

Sango shook her head and smiled. "It's okay." She shooed Kagome away. "Now go! He's probably resting at a one of a tree's branch."

She nodded, a feeling of happiness slowly filling her heart. She started to run away from their campsite but before she could take another step, Miroku called after her.

"Kagome," he called.

She looked back, looking confused. "Hai?"

Miroku merely looked at her. "The shards."

She smiled. "Not to worry, Miroku-san." She patted her uniform's pocket where the shards were placed. "It's with me."

Miroku glanced at her, chuckling. "That's what I'm worrying about," he told her, winking.

"Miroku!" she yelled, in a disapproving voice. "I can take care of myself."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "There can be youkais wandering near the heart of the forest. We can't take a risk. Inuyasha's pretty defenseless for sure. He can't protect you too. So... it's better if you hand me the shards. Sango and I will guard over it."

Kagome glanced at the Miroku and then to Sango. She saw Sango nodding at her. She bit her lip. She didn't want to give the shards to Miroku. That would mean that she couldn't protect herself. But then... She sighed. They do have a point. And Inuyasha would probably get mad at me if I lose the shards, she told herself.

She nodded slowly, and then she handed Miroku the shards. She glanced at him, unsure. "Take care, Kagome," he said, nodding at her. "Be sure to go north."

She smiled and started to run towards the heart of the forest, where Inuyasha had headed.

~*~*~*~

He watched the stars as the wind gently caressed and played with his black hair. Golden eyes clashed against the moon, willing it to disappear. He hated this part of him. He was like the rest of his companions. Weak, easily wounded, and powerless.

As usual, he was seated on one of the branches of the dead tree. He leaned against the tree trunk and inhaled fresh hair. Somehow, the cool night air calmed him and made him feel a bit contented with himself. He was always like this whenever he's upset or even when he's not. He would seat at the branch of a tree, whether dead or alive, to observe his surroundings and just be a casual observer, watching how nature worked and, even for just a moment, being one with it.

He closed his eyes and tried to let himself feel the nature. He inhaled again a breath of fresh air, savoring the coolness it gave and the scent with it. He was human now so he couldn't really identify what was the crisp scent that came with the air. All he knew was that it was fresh with a tinge of jasmine. Probably the flowers around here, he thought.

He glanced around, and surely, he found flowers around the edge of the clearing. The place he was in was the heart of the forest, a small clearing wherein you could find a large, dead tree on the middle with green grass surrounding it. Small, purple flowers could be found at the edge of the clearing, making it a magnificent sight. The dead tree he was resting on, even though it was lifeless, was beautiful in its own way. A strange but beautifully sad sight.

He removed his stare from his surroundings to look at the direction of his companions. He had left them the moment they arrived there, after they barely got away from Sesshoumaru the day before. His eyes narrowed as he remembered his wretched brother. Clenching his fists at his sides, he stared at his fingers, frustrated that he didn't have his claws right now.

It was a shameful thing for him. His brother defeated him, and yet, he didn't kill him like he expected Sesshoumaru to do. He didn't even take his Tetsusaiga. And it was all because of a human child who got in the way. Sesshoumaru was about to plunge his Toukijiin to his stomach when they both sensed the little child coming closer. He glanced at her for a moment and saw that she had flowers with her. Sesshoumaru immediately glanced at the child, and, with a seemingly heavy heart, he withdrew his Toukijiin and returned it to its hilt. The child's eyes brightened when she saw Sesshoumaru, and then she ran to him. He saw his brother ordering Jaken, when he finally arrived, to take Rin because they were going to leave. However, before leaving, his brother insulted him, calling him 'weak' because he had human blood with him.

Those words pained him the moment it came out of his brother's mouth, despite the numerous times he told him that, because the next day, he knew that he would turn into a complete human.

He clenched his fists more, wishing blood to run out from his hands. The wind softly blew his hair from his face again when he heard his name being called.

"Inuyasha?" the voice said again, tentatively.

He growled at the familiar tone. Without a glance, he closed his eyes and said in a cold voice, "What are you doing here?"

Kagome came out of the shadows and walked hesitantly towards the tree. When she was an inch away from the tree, she spoke up, "Anou... I just came to-"

"Came to what?" he asked harshly. He opened his eyes and glared at Kagome. Dozens of emotions flitted in Kagome's eyes as he observed her. For a minute there, he felt guilty. Kagome wouldn't cause him harm; she couldn't. She's just concerned about you, baka! Then, those guilty feelings disappeared as fast as it had come. Maybe she pities you, a voice said in his head.

When Kagome didn't answer, he continued speaking. "To pity me?" He snorted in disdain. "You don't need to do that, I don't even feel bad for myself," he lied.

A voice came to his head. You're lying, it said.

However, he was stubborn. So what?

"No," Kagome said. "I just came to check up on you."

Inuyasha glared at her. "I can take care of myself, you bitch. The one you should be looking after is yourself." And with that, he turned his back at her.

The reluctant expression on Kagome's face disappeared and turned into anger. "Inuyasha," she started dangerously, her body trembling.

Inuyasha gulped when he heard Kagome's voice sounding dangerous. Filled with dread, his eyes widened as he waited for her next word.

"OSUWARI!!!!"

He didn't even have the chance to think what was coming next. The next thing he knew, he was on the tree's base, his face eating the ground with Kagome standing beside him.

"Bitch!!" he yelled. His fists were clenched as he stood up to face Kagome. "Why did you do that?" he yelled angrily at Kagome's face. He waved his arms madly, pointing at the branch he sat on. "Do you know that I was seating there, huh? Up high there?"

Kagome merely glared at him as he continued ranting on.

"I'm in my human form! You were aware that I could have gotten injured badly!!" he yelled. "And you just have to-"

Kagome's next actions stopped him from continuing what he was about to say. The next thing he knew, he was already in Kagome's arms, his head buried on her raven hair. Kagome whispered soothing words to him, and, at the same time, she caressed his back with her hand. His tense body calmed at once and then he found himself inhaling Kagome's fresh, subtle scent. She smelled like she just came out from bathing, her smell reminding him of the fresh scent of the ocean and the calming scent of the air around them.

She removed herself from him, breaking the spell along the process, and smiled. "Where were you before I arrived?"

~*~*~*~

Inuyasha sat once again on one of the tree branches, this time with Kagome beside him. Kagome leaned against him, inhaling his fresh scent, while Inuyasha leaned against the tree trunk. Kagome's eyes fluttered close as she took a breath of fresh air. She opened her eyes once more and found Inuyasha looking at her with a curious expression.

"It feels good," she explained when she found him looking at her.

He snorted. "Women."

She smiled and giggled playfully. "You too were enjoying the air here a while ago!" she said, nudging him on his side.

"Feh, I wasn't!" he denied, attempting an annoyed expression.

The two of them fell silent for a minute before Kagome spoke up again. "Inuyasha?" she called out.

"Hmm?"

Kagome stared at the stars, which was in front of them shining brightly. "Once we complete the Shikon no Tama, what would you do with it?" she asked, unable to look at him. She always carried that question inside her, even though she was aware of the answer to it. Perhaps, she wanted to hear it directly from Inuyasha and she wanted...

She wanted, somehow, Inuyasha's wish on the Shikon no Tama to change...

Inuyasha glanced at her quizzically before letting out a snort. "Of course, I want to become a full demon," he answered, like as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Her heart twisted inside her. She could barely think that all of a sudden, she blurted out the words she had hoped to hear from him. "I thought you want to become a full human?"

Inuyasha looked at her, a sorrowful expression in his eyes. "That was after..." he started but he didn't finish his sentence.

After he met Kikyou, she finished in her mind. She felt her insides withering slowly and her heart felt unusually cold. A strange sensation started to fill her whole body, beginning from her heart to every parts of her body. She tried to push all those gnawing emotions- emotions that pained her deeply although she didn't even know what they were. She felt dizzy, and then her lungs shouted for air, until she realized that she was holding her breath. "After you met Kikyou?" she finished for him, her own voice sounding strange to her ears. She was even surprised that she was able to muster those four words when inside, she was dying slowly.

Inuyasha was unable to look at her but his uneasy actions proved to her that she was right. She clenched her fists. She wasn't going to give either Inuyasha or Kikyou the satisfaction that it hurt her. She attempted a smile at Inuyasha and talked cheerfully, "It's better that way, ne? If you become a full demon, you wouldn't have to transform into a human every time the new moon comes."

Although, I want you to wish on the Shikon to be a full human, not for Kikyou...

But for me...

Inuyasha nodded slowly, and then he smiled at her weakly. She felt much worse when Inuyasha didn't even deny what she had said. She was on the verge of tears when she heard a low, evil laughter coming from the clearing's edge, among the shadows. A very familiar one.

She didn't have to utter the unexpected visitor's name to make Inuyasha aware of his presence. Inuyasha was already holding her by the arm tight as they both stood up, preparing themselves for the worst.

~*~*~*~

He smiled at what he had just heard. His idiot for a half-brother turns into a defenseless and filthy human every new moon! He laughed softly but, fortunately for the two, they heard his laughter, and therefore they had been given much notice for their deaths.

At first, after he fought with that hanyou yesterday, he was annoyed that he wasn't able to continue torturing his brother until those tortures would lead him to his death. He wasn't even able to get the Tetsusaiga from his moronic brother. Rin had just had to come along at the worst possible time.

He let his hanyou brother live for until the next evening- meaning today. Yesterday, when he left Inuyasha's little group, he scolded Jaken with a much-needed kick on his ass for letting Rin escape him. He had told him to watch Rin while he confronted Inuyasha's little group but, unfortunately, Jaken had lost his patience with Rin's cheerfulness. He was more than aware that Jaken, like him, despised humans and they both have the same view for humans that they are filthy, pathetic creatures that doesn't deserve to live and breathe the same kind of air as they do. Therefore Jaken doesn't hold a great liking to Rin, most unfortunate for Jaken, of course.

He didn't know why he saved Rin and kept her with him, protecting her almost in a way that a father would. Perhaps, he thought, when he saw the innocence in Rin's eyes when she first approached him, he saw himself in her when he was still a pup. He wasn't exactly born as the same person he was now. He underwent childhood and the innocence that came with it, like anybody else.

So when he saw Rin, he couldn't help himself but be reminded of his bitter childhood and how the innocence in him was forced to disappear, and was ripped off from him even though he was still a mere child.

He could still recall who took the innocence away from him and who the cause was. It was Inuyasha's bitch of a mother's fault. She just had to come in his life, the moment his mother passed away right before his eyes. And to think Inuyasha's mother thought that he would accept her. How wrong she was! And she had came to realize that fact soon enough. The moment he laid his eyes on her, she felt the hatred in him for her, and so she was forced to accept it. If only his father wasn't present, he would have killed Inuyasha's mother right there and then.

So when he first saw Rin and recognized the innocence that Rin had in her, he felt the need to protect that innocence at all costs. He didn't want Rin to experience what he had experienced; his bitter childhood.

What he experienced was not a very pleasant memory to him. He experienced the death of his mother when he was still a pup. He mourned of course although he didn't shed a tear. He pained inside but he kept himself strong. Her mother once told him that death was a normal thing and that he should accept it since it would come to everyone, sooner or later. However, when his father brought a human woman with him as his mate, anger surged in him, and he suddenly felt like he was slapped on the face. At his age, he experienced the harsh realities and painful experiences that life provided for every existing creature. His original view of life as a bed of roses disappeared in a flash, along with the innocence in him. Hatred for human started to dominate his being causing him to be the cold, ruthless, and powerful youkai he was now.

Of course, with the exception of Rin. Rin reminded him too much of his childhood, her innocence, gaiety, cheerfulness, to name a few. I wonder if I, Sesshoumaru, have a soft spot for humans, he thought. Then, he remembered another incident, proving that thought wrong, much to his relief. He loved Rin, though he hated to admit that, because she didn't fear him, the cheerfulness, and the innocence that came along.

He stepped out of the shadows when he saw that the hanyou bastard had already noticed his presence. He smiled, making his face look crueler.

"What are you doing here, you bastard?" Inuyasha yelled, trying to cover the wench with his body. Sesshoumaru smiled, amused at the useless attempt.

"And a good evening to you too, my dear hanyou brother," he said sarcastically, stepping forward so that the stars also shone brightly at him. "Correction, my human brother," he added, smirking.

Inuyasha growled. "What do you want?"

"Your head, of course," he replied, coldly. "And the Tetsusaiga."

He smirked again, and then, he walked forward, near the tree. "It's just too bad that you turn into a human every new moon, unlike I, Sesshoumaru."

He watched his half brother's fists clenched, in glee. "How long have you been there?" Inuyasha yelled angrily.

"Long enough to hear what you've been talking with that wench," he replied coolly. "Still hanging out with that Shard Detector so you could become a full youkai? I, Sesshoumaru, couldn't see now your point," he said coldly. Then he smirked. "Because you're now going to die!" he yelled, his voice dripping with venom, as he jumped towards Inuyasha's direction, his right hand flexed, aiming for Inuyasha's neck.

All of a sudden, when he was an inch away, he heard Inuyasha's woman yell.

"Inuyasha, osuwari!!" she screamed.

Inuyasha fell down so abruptly, head first, that he wasn't able to adjust his attack. Sesshoumaru missed Inuyasha's head, his claws only cutting a few strands of his black hair.

He heard Inuyasha yell, cursing, but he didn't care to whom it was addressed. He smirked as the attack originally for his brother went straight to the miko, aimed at her neck.