Wet Noses by emmaren

Wet Noses

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA AND CO., NOR DO I MAKE MONEY ON THIS.

For Mamasama. Can you believe she actually won this. That poor, poor, poor woman.

Wet noses

Two days, it had been two days of wondering. Was everything on him long? Why, one might ask, was the angelic, virginal Kagome pondering the lengths of parts of a certain sadistic, lethal tai-inu-youkai's anatomy?

Well, she had seen it, and it was long. The possibilities of what it could do were endless. Had she seen all of it? She wasn't sure. How often did he use it? As discrete as he had been when she saw it, she was guessing all the time. It was just so... malleable. They did say that it was the strongest muscle in the body.

Kagome closed her brown blue grey eyes, to recall the unique sight she had been gifted:

Kagome glanced out of the corner of her eye at the tall male in white. The others were so engrossed in trying to discern Naraku's trail that none were paying attention to the stoic dog. It was then that she caught the rare motion of Sesshoumaru's mouth opening. No sound came out, only a long sinewy tongue. It lolled out, hanging past his chin, and then quickly flicked up to cover his noble nose, snaking back into his mouth before she could blink.

Had the aristocratic assassin just wet his nose?

He had, and in the following moments she took the time to notice his length. His long fingers, long arms- err no, his long arm (the other was stumpy and all), long legs, long feet, long torso, long hair, his long swords.

And that was the thought that left her wondering about the length of a certain "sword." Would it too have magical attacks?

Snapping back into the present, the pure miko noticed the oddly damp feeling in her knickers. Then as if on cue, all canine based youkai wet their noses and sniffed. Well not Shippo, he was too busy with a lollypop.

Kagome suddenly knew how to end the argument of who would be the alpha of their newly formed pack. You know, the one where everyone has joined together to defeat Naraku even Kouga. It was magical Backpack Time.

Kagome drove into her endless, bottomless pack that held everything. It even included an endless power supple because solar backpacks were all the rage in feudal Japan. Humming the Dora the Explorer song for "Backpack", she found what she was searching for.

"Yum, yum, yum, Deliciouso." Kagome proclaimed as she spun on the stunned group.

The miko was armed with a tape measure. Yes, a tape measure for it was important to be able to figure out the real dimensions of things in the Feudal Era. She marched up to the three males demanding alpha status.

"We can measure," she bubbled at them.

"Have you gone stupid?"

"Don't talk to my woman that way, dog turd."

"Hn."

"Seriously, whip them out boys." She only smiled their confused looks. When nothing happened, the schoolgirl grumbled, "I thought guys were all about measuring."

"Ah Kagome-sama, what exactly are they supposed to measure?"

"Gah, not that you letch. Their tongues." Turning back to the males, "Well?"

In retrospect, it would have been a much more brilliant idea in an era where toothpaste and mouthwash. However, our stubborn miko persevered. As suspected, it was the dai-youkai who dangled the farthest.

"Miko, you find this Sesshoumaru to be more than adequate." All she could do was dumbly nod. Six inches. How did he manage to talk without slurring? Was he related to a giraffe? Her world blurred as she was whisked away.

The virginal heroine found herself in the middle of a field with the epitome of male sex. An 'eep' broke the silence as the miko found herself on all fours with her green skirt tossed above her hips.

"You will find, Miko that the houshi is not the only one with a fetish."

So in the end, the raven-haired beauty never found out about his phallic sword's magical attacks. No, she learned a much more priceless lesson. As the tai-youkai continued to sniff her ass (with his very cold wet nose), Kagome learned never to fantasize about any male that has not one, but two methods for self-gratification.

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AN: Please, I know. I made the appointment, and I am going to therapy. I hope you enjoyed my tour of the gutter, to exit please wait for the flush.

Emmaren.