If You Believe by Rikayu

If You Believe

 Disclaimer: I do hereby disclaim any right or responsibilities for the characters used in this story.  All rights are reserved for the respective creator of Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashi.

Author's Note: This fic is the very first one I wrote all the way back in 2003 or 2004.  It has been tirelessly re-written dozens of times since I was thirteen, and until now, I still can't take it down cause it has become special to me.  The story was inspired by the song "If You Believe" by Rachael Lampa:

I close my eyes and even when I'm sleeping I'm all right
Cause you are in my life
Once upon a time
I only imagined this
And now you're mine
Wished for you so hard
Pray that you'd find me
Maybe you're here today
Here to remind me

If you believe that dreams come true
There's one that's waiting there for you
Cause I believe when I saw you that when you want something enough
Then it can't escape your love
There is nothing in the world that cannot be
If you believe

 Everybody said that I was a fool to think that we connect
(Everybody said that) I couldn't get my heart out of my head
But they just didn't see
No they just couldn't know
The feeling that you get
The places that you go

If you believe that dreams come true
There's one that's waiting there for you
Cause I believe when I saw you that when you want something enough
Then it can't escape your love
There is nothing in the world that cannot be
If you believe

Never wished for material things
Never needed wind in my wings
I never wished for anything but you (I can't explain it)
Someone just told me
Go where your heart is you'll never be lonely

If you believe that dreams come true
There's one that's waiting there for you
Cause I believe when I saw you that when you want someone enough
Then they can't escape your love
There is nothing in the world that cannot be
If you believe

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If You Believe
By Rikayu

Kagome sighed to herself as she looked out into the night sky from her lone porch. The moonlight reflected off of the exquisite ivory fabric of the elegant sleeping kimono draped around her small frame and cast a soft glow to her creamy skin. The midnight breeze blew against Kagome's body, causing a few stray strands of her dark hair to fall in front of her face. But she seemed oblivious to anything and everything around her at the moment, her eyes lost in the sea of a thousand drifting thoughts floating around in her mind. 

How long had it been since she had first arrived here? Kagome did not know exactly. She hadn't at all kept track of all the days she had spent in this place. But at her previous mindset, she really didn't bother at all with that kind of thing. In a sense, she really didn't want to know either. But she was quite positive that her mother and grandfather were worried out of their hair's ends about her whereabouts.

Kagome leaned forward slightly, closing her eyes and resting her cheek on her open palm. She liked it here though. The atmosphere was peaceful, save for a few choice moments, and gave her order to her overly frayed nerves. For once in her teenage life, she didn't have to worry about her responsibilities at school or her given duty to gather back the shards of the Shikon no Tama. But there was no doubt in her mind that she'd have to go back to reality sooner or later and quell her family's assumptions of the worst thing that can possibly happen. But then again, her grandfather would try and suck her into one of his lectures while her mother inspected her for any injuries and such. She tried to convince herself that it wouldn't be hard, despite the fact that nothing is every easy. She just didn't want to have to face him again...

Maybe it was just because she felt that if she left, life would continue on its ridiculous quest to be as cruel as possible and ruin all of what just happened to be left of her stupid life. Kagome knew that if she saw him again, the wall she had tried to hard to build against him during her time here would easily crumble to pieces. She'd go back to him willingly and try to convince herself that everything would be all right and that it was all back to normal. She was tired of lying to herself a millions times over and over again. She didn't want to get hurt then forgive only to get hurt again and again.

Perhaps it was her own way of tormenting herself. To run away only to be caught again and fail miserably at something you've worked so hard for. It was like catching water with your hands. For a second, you think you have it until it drains through the crack in between your fingers no matter how tight you hold on to it. You clutch your hand tighter in a last attempt to catch the water, but all you end up doing is draining the water from your hands faster until there is none left.

A small smile creased her lips as Kagome opened her eyes to look at nothing in particular. You could stay that she was the most naïve person in the world, and it probably was true too. She knew that much. She couldn't take care of herself, but she did the finest job in taking care of others. She'd work herself to the brink and in the end, come crashing down from the edge of the cliff.

Kagome stared up at the star dotted sky and smiled in a sort of mix of sorrow, happiness, and pure stupidity. Were things always supposed to be this way? It didn't seem the least bit fair to her that she had to pay for so many things that were just abruptly thrown into her direction. She never asked to be thrown into the well and end up in the feudal era. She never asked to shatter the sacred jewel. She never asked for any of this especially the pain she suffered time and time again. Did she somehow anger some higher power that it developed a nasty grudge against her and doomed her to walk the rest of her days as a poor, pathetic, and miserable nobody without the slightest chance of redemption?

Kagome's awkward smile grew somewhat lopsided to almost resemble a small frown as she agreed with herself about how sad it was that she pitied her own person. How was it possible that she had maintained such a positive outlook back then? But she guessed she couldn't help it. She couldn't bear it if someone were to get hurt because of her burden and maybe it was because of this reason that she tried so much to help them carry the burden or take the burden as her own, hence could and would if she had to, help her friends to any length.

But, no matter how negative she thought of herself, that little voice in her head that tirelessly pushed out her freakish optimistic disposition out never faded, but rather, grew stronger with each challenge tossed her way. She was grateful for it, but it constantly annoyed the heck out her when she'd have time to think to herself like this, it's happy, yet awkwardly devilish happy-go-lucky high-pitched voice ringing in that back area of her brain.

'Smile, Kagome or else you'll turn into a wrinkled old woman before you even reach twenty!' it chants in her head...

Kagome shook her head, throwing the annoying voice that plagued her thoughts into that dark area at the very, very, and very back of her mind. She hoped that it'd get lost somewhere in there for a while, but sooner or later, more likely the former, it'd come back prancing to the most active part of her brain and start chanting like an wise fool about the right thing to do or to smile more or about nothing of any importance at all.

A small groan escaped from her lips as she forced herself up onto her feet. She linked her hands and stretched away the laziness her body had developed the whole time she was sitting down then proceeded to straighten out all the wrinkles lingering on her clothes before walking down the out porch hallway. It never ceased to amaze her how quiet it was during night whenever she'd take the chance to walk herself around. It was as if the only voices worthy to be heard in such an ambiance of pure tranquility were the voices of angels or heavenly immortals.

The moonlight glittered down from the sky and cast an ethereal glow on the spacious gardens surrounding the main part of the traditional style castle. The porch walkways as well as the garden walkways were softly lit with a subtle glow from hanging paper lamps that held some sort of strange light source. Tying in the whole scene was the music of the wind, blow softly against the trees and rustling the crickets to make sing their common harmony.

Kagome wrapped the long robe she wore over her sleeping kimono tighter around her body, seeking more warmth to compete against the cold touch of the night breeze. The breeze whipped her hair around lightly and Kagome's hand immediately caught the stray hairs, tucking them behind her ear. Just then, she caught the sight of something from the corner of her eye, and she turned to see what it was.

She looked curiously into the garden to see a part of it she had not yet explored. Kagome stepped off of the porch walk way and made her way down the lonely path that lead to somewhere she hadn't already gone to in the gardens. The path was, to put it quite lightly, creepier than the rest of the garden and the rest of the castle she was able to explore to during her stay. Maybe it was because of the absence of the lamps or the practically sound of anything other than her breathing, her heartbeat, or her footsteps. The feeling the surrounding area gave sent a sharp cold down her spine and sprung goose bumps on her arms.

Kagome turned at a bush and halted in her tracks. It was beautiful, purely beautiful. She stepped forward and looked down at the very large koi pond laid in front of her. The moon's reflection glistened on the water as koi fish moved through the water in a slow and dreamy way. Numerous water lilies floated on the pond's unbroken surface as glowing dots of fireflies glided hovered above the water's surface. The fireflies glided around the area and seemed and gave off an innocent playfulness in the way they intermingled with each other. On the edge of area was a plum blossom tree, though the flowers had not even opened yet into full bloom.

The awestruck girl stared in amazement at her surroundings for a few brief moments. Slowly, she made her way to the plum blossom tree standing tall next to the pond, the bottom of her robe dragging slightly behind her. She stood silently underneath the shade of the tree and observed the water ripple as the wind blew across the surface. For a moment, the fireflies hovering harmlessly above the water scattered, but resumed in their dance of lights.

Feeling a sense of peace, Kagome lowered herself into a sitting position at the base of the tree, bringing her knees up against her chest as she wrapped her hands around them. A contented sigh unknowingly escaped her lips as she continued to watch the fireflies dance over the water, glowing with an otherworldly light that seemed only to exist for them. Kagome closed her eyes and savored everything around her. The sound of the cricket and the trees rustling against the wind had strangely resumed but nonetheless had a calming effect on her.

"What are you doing here?"

The breath that Kagome was about to draw got caught in her throat and took her a moment to recover before opening her eyes and looked up at two luminescent golden eyes that stared down at her. Her body tensed slightly as she looked up the white clad figure towering above her. Was this place forbidden? Was she not supposed to be here?

He stared down at her, waiting for an answer. But the girl hesitated somewhat before biting her lip and forcibly averting her eyes from his gaze.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't sleep..." Technically, she wasn't lying, Kagome told herself. She had stayed up for the main purpose of having time to think to herself, but sleep fluttered away from her once she was done with her business, thus, she couldn't get to sleep.

She turned her gaze back to the group of fireflies glowing gently above the pond and said no more. After a long moment, the sound of fabric shuffling wafted up to her ears as she felt the towering presence of her current companion in the garden soften to a less intimidating state. But, Kagome didn't turn to look at him and merely trained her gaze straightforward to anything that happened to be there 

They sat there in comfortable silence for a while, just quietly enjoying each other's company in such a tranquil environment. Neither spoke or had any sort of motivation to. They just sat there with the fireflies dancing around them. Kagome kept her hands on her lap until a lone firefly floated in front of her. She held up her hand and observed as the miniature light bulb settled onto the open space of her small palm. She outstretched her arm to her side so that her hand stopped close to face of her current company.

The man raised his eyebrow in a silent question as he turned his head to her. He watched the insect with minimal interest as it crawled up her index finger and stopped at her finger's tip. But for some reason, he somewhat ignored it and focused mainly on Kagome.

"Do you think..." Kagome paused for a moment. Her voice was soft yet still held a solid tone. "Do you think that time stops for anyone?"

"Why do you ask?"

Kagome turned away slightly, lowering her hand a few inches from his face. Kagome turned to look at the water again, contemplating her answer. "I don't know..." she said, "I've been thinking about the things that have happened to me, and I guess I just wanted to know..." Then she turned to him again, "Do you think that time stops for anyone...?"

As she spoke, her eyes seemed to drift off into the endless world of her thoughts. They clouded slightly before clearing into a clear blue. He looked down at her and thought for a moment. 

"If one believes it as stopped, then it has for them."

Kagome gave him a gentle smile. She lowered her hand to rest in front of her as she looked down at the firefly that was still there. It's glow bounced off of her skin and played off of a sparkle in her eyes. She flicked her cerulean irises to look up into his for one more time before shutting them.

"No... I don't think that time stops for anyone, even for those who believe it has."

He stared at her in silence, watching as the moonlight that escaped the leaves and the light of the fireflies cast an ethereal lighting to her features. She looked so fragile that it seemed that if he touched her, she'd break into a millions pieces that could never be repaired.

"A firefly can stop to rest for however long it wants, but everything around it keep going. The world doesn't stop, but keeps moving."

Her voice was soft, and would have been barely audible to human ears.

"Time goes on and changes everything, but how do you know that it really exists if it's only an illusion thought up by your mind? Is anything real for that matter?" she continued.

"You cannot prove anything exists beyond here," he answered her, his eyes lingering to nothingness, "We merely assume that it is all real; a mere illusion as you said, nothing more..."

Kagome opened her eyes and looked up at him. She admired his intelligence and yet that was what was so dangerous about him. His nimble mind was always calculating some sort of answer to anything thrown his way. It was uncanny how his answers would ultimately make sense even though it was a simple theory in his mind. Maybe that was what made her so curious as to how he ticked.

"So, how do you know that I even exist?" Kagome asked with her head tilted to the side like a little kid with a millions and one questions.

"I only believe you are real. I cannot prove that you are real and you cannot prove that I am real..." he said simply, his tone unusually softer than usual.

"Then none of this is real... Nothing is real and my whole life has just been one big illusion..." Kagome said quietly. Unknowingly during the whole they were talking, Kagome had inched closer to him and sat so close to him that their sides were touching and that Kagome could rest her head perfect on his shoulder if she chose to.

"If that is what you believe is true, then it is."

"I want it to be real, but at the same time, I wish that it wasn't..."

"..."

"You know what? I think that's the only real truth I believe in now, if it even exists at all that is..." Kagome closed her eyes and felt a breeze blow against her, loose strands of his silver hair brushing against her cheek, sending a tickle down her spine. Everything seemed to stop, despite her previous stand on time stopping, but at that quiet moment, everything seemed to slow down almost to a halt. Unknowingly, Kagome's head tilted to rest on his shoulder as the balls of light that were fireflies danced around their forms playfully.

Kagome entered the area holding the koi pond, the bottom of her sleeping kimono and robe flaring out to drag slightly behind her. A white clad figure stood at the base of the plum blossom tree that had already started to bloom early in the morning. She walked up to him as quietly as possible but was not so stupid as to think that he had not already felt her presence. She sat down in her usual spot at the base of the tree and pressed her knees to her chest as her arms wrapped around them. Her cerulean eyes sought out the flying orbs of light that usually littered the air but found none.

"You are late..." she heard him say.

She relished in the feeling of the refreshing breeze against her skin. Her hand absentmindedly brushed loose strands of her hair behind her ear as a small sigh escaped from her. "I know," she said, "but you should be more patient than that in your old age...'

"Your humor does not strike me as funny..."

"I didn't think you would anyway," she replied as blandly as he did. Kagome fiddled with her fingers idly as her head tilted in that childish way of hers. "What are you doing here so early anyway?"

"..."

Kagome sighed and looked out into the seemingly lifeless pond. The insects that usually brought the dancing lights with them were missing. It wasn't unusual in a normal sense, but she'd yet to see the pond without them. It felt different and for some reason gave her a sense of vulnerability to the night. A small shiver ran through her body, the breeze growing colder and seeping through her clothing. Instinctively, Kagome hugged herself tighter, trying to create more warmth, her uneasiness evident in how tense her shoulders were becoming. 

"They are waiting..." 

Kagome almost jumped at the sound of his voice. She looked up at him and wondered in silence what he meant by that. He hadn't made any move to sit down next to her on the grass as he usually did. He just stood there, an unintelligible expression looming in the golden pools that were his eyes. She just didn't get it. Who was waiting for her? Did he mean her friends? As much as she had already figured out about him in her time here, she doubted that she even scratch the surface of what lied beneath his never-changing façade.

She bit her lip and thought of an answer to what she didn't understand. As she averted her gaze to watch the calm surface of the pond, her mouth opened and she answered without taking one more moment to finalize it.

"There really isn't anything to wait for," she said simply. "In the end, it's all worthless..."

Silence crept in between them again. It was an eerie silence that was excruciatingly unnerving. Though they barely talked outside of this area they called their world, they had grown comfortable in each other's presence. So, how could such a solid comforting presence break down in the absence of such a small thing as fireflies?

Kagome rested her chin on top of her folded arms and unconsciously crept back into her little mental shell that appeared so frail that if you blew on it'd just fly away. She'd be so exposed and helpless to her own feelings that if you left her by herself, Kagome would practically destroy herself with an overload of emotions. A frown settled on her lips as she ceases all movement to focus on her thoughts. Maybe this was the wrong time for that kind of thing because the man standing next to her had interrupted her train of thought. His voice cut through the tension in the air like a knife through butter, easily forcing Kagome out of her emotional shell as he did during the other nights too.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" his deep voice said, trailing into nothingness as the wind blew against them, his hair shifting in rhythm with it.

Kagome's eyes widened slightly before she gave her automatic answer. "Why do you want to know?"

He didn't reply which was so typical of him even though he had started the conversation, a large feat by itself. A small poignant smile crossed Kagome's lips. In truth, she was. Was that why she felt so awkward? Was it because the fireflies had disappeared and that she was left with the dark night surrounding her? Even the moon was hidden behind clouds and he was the only source of comfort left to her. He was the only thing in this world at the moment that kept her safe, as everything else outside was not real.

She heard the sound of shuffling fabric and immediately turned to her side. A non-intentional sigh escaped from her lips as she lowered her head. She pressed her eyes against the fabric of the kimono sleeve that covered her arms. He was gone... 

Kagome stared up at the full moon that lit up the night sky along with the billions of stars that twinkled in the background. She stood alone next the pond, observing the beautiful night sky as countless fireflies danced around her, illuminating the delicate details of her features. It would be time for her to leave soon. She'd try to end everything that went wrong, but she was amazingly prone to bad luck and as luck would have it, her heart just wasn't into leaving from this world of peace and order anymore.

Slowly, she turned around to walk to her usual seat at the base of the plum tree that was now in full bloom only to find that someone had already taken the liberty of occupying it. His intense eyes stared at her from his spot and she stood rooted her spot, unable to say any words that were swept from her mind.

They took their stand against each other, their eyes connecting together in a sort of staring contest. The only sparks that flew were the simple lights of the fireflies that situated to float around the two. Neither moved, determined to fight through the stares until Kagome tore her eyes away, something that she never did, causing much amusement in her company, though he didn't show it.

Kagome sighed and turned back to the pond, wrapping her arms around herself to provide warmth against the cold midnight breeze. She felt a sense of uneasiness, just like the other night and now, every thing seemed back to normal. Brilliant fireflies dotted the area and it was the small world she had created for herself, but something just seemed off 

The uncomfortable silence was shattered, however, when a deep voice spoke suddenly. "You did not come," he said 

Kagome bit her lip and looked to the ground. "You hadn't showed up yet. I didn't think you'd come, so I left..." she replied quietly.

"You believed wrong..."

"How is that?"

"You did not come. I waited." 

Kagome smile weakly as a firefly stopped to float in front of her. She lifted up her hand and watched as it landed on the tip of her index. "The fireflies," she said, "They were never gone. They were hiding, waiting until they were needed. I guess I felt that I wasn't needed last night just as they didn't feel needed the night before."

Kagome turned around and looked up, but her soft expression faltered. Her gaze lowered to the ground as a forced smile appeared on her face. She looked at the lone firefly in her hand and as fast as the smile appeared, it faded into an expressionless frown. The bug was the only thing she had left now, but as she watched it lift into the air, it seemed as if the rest of the world, along with it, had left her to fall alone in her sea of thoughts. Even the annoying voice that constant interrupted anything that was going on in her head was quieted and missing.

She let her hands lifelessly to her sides. Her heart wished frantically that none of this was real and insisted that it was all some dream and that she'd wake up back in her bed back in her own time. If she didn't want this, why was it happening? Simple, no one got ever what they wanted. But if she didn't believe in it, why had it become real anyway? Kagome felt so confused.

"You are afraid of the dark, are you not?"

Kagome froze as hot breath hit the skin of her ear. The sensation caused her to shiver as she became increasingly aware of the presence behind her. She turned her head slightly and met two molten spheres fixed onto her. Her breath caught at her throat and her whole body tensed.

"You are afraid to be left alone in the dark."

Unconsciously, Kagome turned her body to face him fully, but he shifted to keep his mouth by her ear. Kagome's eyes were open wide and every inch of her skin felt a tingling burn. For a moment, she feels him pause and Kagome tries to force herself to move away, but he notices her small movements and stops her with a gentle touch to her chin, holding her in place as he leans closer to her ear. In almost a whisper, he smirks slightly and speaks.

"Are you afraid that I shall leave you?"

After a sharp intake of breath, Kagome's head tilted downward slightly while still in his touch. She felt as if a boulder had just hit her and rolled completely over her body again and again. Was that why? Kagome shook her head inwardly, a ghost of a heartbreaking smile playing across her features. Suddenly oblivious to everything except her thoughts, Kagome unconsciously leaned her body forward, resting her forehead against his shoulder. However, her thoughts seemed to be empty, unable to help her answer. She felt almost like a confused little girl had run off on her own and didn't know how to get back home and had no idea where or who to turn to for help; the orphan she felt she had become on the inside. She wanted so bad to cry, but her tears just wouldn't fall. Hell, they wouldn't even form to well up in her eyes.

Her voice seemed to hide from her, trapping itself in her throat, afraid to speak. What could she say? Had this place really changed her that much? And if she left, would it still be the same as before? The thoughts that seemed empty had all of a sudden filled with countless questions she couldn't answer and didn't want to answer.

"Am... I afraid to leave...?" she blurted out without thinking. 

He did not answer her but that was okay. He didn't need to answer her own question for her, she told herself, but she wished he could. It seemed so hard to do it all on her own. In the past, he always seemed to have an answer, but as time progressed, he seemed so distracted by something that he often was too deep in his own thoughts to answer her anymore. In the end, it was he who had started to ask her, but unlike him, she'd never give him a straight answer or as straight as an answer as he usually gave.

"You can't leave," he said. That was more like him, stern and passive.

"Why is that?"

Kagome waited patiently for him to answer. She played to his movements, observing him as if in a trance. He had hooked his index finger under her chin and brought her up to look at him straight. In a move utterly unlike him, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes as the tips of their noses touched, their breath mingling. Kagome smiled and followed suit, closing her brilliant blue eyes. Their bodies were in such close proximity with each other that she could almost feel his heartbeat.

"I can make time stop," he said, "I will make it if I have too..." 

"You can't stop an illusion of what is not even real..." 

Kagome paused, relishing in the warmth he gave her. She wished that time could stop so that they could stay like this forever, hidden from the world that constantly judged them with unfair rules.

"Maybe..."

Her voice was barely a whisper...

"It's because you are afraid that I will leave," Kagome leaned forward more, shifting her head position a bit, "That makes me fear to leave you..." She closed the distance between their lips.

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Kagome stared at nothing really in particular as she laid there on that futon. Her slender hand slid out from under the covers and tucked a lock of her loose dark hair behind her ear. When she did the simple, the strong arm that was draped over her waist twitch for a second before tightening its grip, pulling her closer to the large lump of warmth behind her. She shifted and turned around in its grasp to watch a soundly sleeping pale face. Her hand crawled up to trace the blue crescent moon in the center of the man's forehead. She then pressed her forehead to his just as he did earlier, being careful not to wake him. Her hand carefully trailed through the delicate yet strong and masculine features of his face, her fingers tracing the stripes on his cheeks absently as she closed her eyes.

For a moment, she could have sworn time had stopped, but she could never prove that. And at the moment, they were the only two people in the whole world, the whole universe. No one existed beyond the four walls that encased both of them in this room. She was the only one at the moment who knew who he was and vice versa. That was what she believed to be true, even if there was no truth that existed at all. 

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