Beep, Click, Whirl! by Miss Kagura

Chapter One

The teacher's lounge was always easy to find. It was, in Sesshoumaru's estimation, like a safe haven in the battlegrounds of any high school. All he had to do was listen for the mechanical clicking and whirs of a copy machine, which were loud enough that his demonic ears could pick up on the sounds from any place on campus. They called to him, offering refuge and bad coffee. So, on his first day at the 'reform school' (which was a euphemism for 'Vocational Training for Whores, Drug Dealers, and Future Inmates'), he quickly made his way to the lounge.

When he opened the door, Sesshoumaru heard the comforting sounds of the copy machine, smelled the toner, and felt the warm air it vented blow against his slacks, but what he saw was not a frustrated teacher making copies. Instead, there was a student sitting on the copy machine, photocopying his ass. Not only was it 'a student,' no, that would be bad enough. It was his little brother, who was the reason he lost his job at an elite private school. They both went down for Inuyasha's sins, and then, Sesshoumaru was arrested for trying to kill the whelp.

Beep, click, whirl!

"Hey, Bro, wat up?" Inuyasha asked.

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and hissed, "Don't speak like that! Pretend you have a little class for once."

Beep, click, whirl!

Another colored copy of Inuyasha's ass landed in the tray. "I am! Hey, how do my nuts look here? Big, right? If I press 'em on the copier just right, they look like, twice as big."

Beep, click, whirl!

Amusingly enough, all Sesshoumaru could think about was how expensive color copies are. It was such a treat to be able to make them, and watching Inuyasha copying his ass with his flaccid penis draped on the glass scanner was more than he could handle. There were so many things wrong with the picture he was facing and unfortunately, it was still against the law for him to assault one of his students. Sesshoumaru picked up one of the copies, held it over the paper shredder, and forced it through.

Beep, click, whirl!

Inuyasha watched his dick and balls go through the shredder and knew what his brother was implying. He jumped off the copier, closed it, and ran down the hall with his copies. Sesshoumaru sighed, opened his briefcase, and tried to copy a paper from his folder, only to find that a perfect impression of Inuyasha's testicles was left in sweat and body oil. A single pubic hair lay in the middle, and Sesshoumaru frowned in disgust, scrambling for some kind of spray cleaner. There was no way, no way, absolutely no chance that he would come in contact with anything that ever touched his brother's balls.

"Looking for this?" someone asked from the back of the room.

Sesshoumaru realized that in his fury, he hadn't noticed there was someone else in the room. Mortified, he turned to see another man, who smiled and held out a bottle of disinfectant. "Miroku Nagano," he introduced himself, shaking Sesshoumaru's hand. "Don't worry. Around here, someone copying their ass is one of the more tame things we see."

"Sesshoumaru Inutaisho," Sesshoumaru said.

He wanted to deny that he even knew Inuyasha, but anyone who wasn't blind could see that he and Inuyasha looked nearly exactly alike. It annoyed and infuriated Sesshoumaru that such an ingrate would dare to look anything like him, but that complaint was really only one he could take up with his father for fucking his stepmother.

The frustrated taiyoukai cleaned the ball sweat off the copier, wondering how his species had gone from running the earth to being ball sweat cleaners in so few centuries. He could, of course, go crazy and kill everyone, but that was so Sengoku Jidai and he was a demon of the twenty-first century. He had an Iphone. He was civilized or some crap.

He was finally able to try to make his copy, but instead of the therapeutic 'Beep, click, whirl!,' Sesshoumaru heard a beep and saw a message that told him the copier was out of toner. When he looked up, his friend was gone, so he was the only one around to do change the toner cartridge.

Of course, it was only his first day on the job, so obviously, he knew where everything was.

Fifteen minutes later, with only five minutes until class time, Sesshoumaru was faced with the fact that educational materials couldn't be printed with sealed Otis Spunkmeyer muffins, pens, or anything else in the room. With frustration mounting, he kicked the copier, and the message went away. Copying started and stopped yet again just as Sesshoumaru's triumph over technology took root. According to the copier, it had a paper jam.

Sesshoumaru sat on the floor in front of the copier, lamenting that he wore his best slacks for his first day on the job. The black fabric picked up lint everywhere the fabric touched, but Sesshoumaru pressed on. At the very least, he was wearing a hand-tailored white shirt and a magenta tie. 'I am sexy. I am professional. I look sharp,' he thought to himself. Carefully, he stuck his fingers into the machine, easily locating a piece of paper stuck in the roller that pushed the paper through the copier.

As he pulled it out, his pinky finger nicked the toner cartridge, and effectively ripped it to pieces. The tightly-packed powder practically exploded onto him, covering him head to toe in blotchy, ugly black powder. He wiped off his eyes and mouth, and decided his day really couldn't get any worse. Of course, right at that moment, the headmaster, Naraku Osaka, came by the lounge and froze.

His newest employee was sitting on the floor, covered in black powder, holding a crinkled color picture of someone's nuts.

"Mr. Inutaisho, what's going on here?" Naraku asked.

Sesshoumaru shrugged and said, "Nothing, Sir."

"You're five minutes late for your first class and you're sitting here holding your balls. Is that nothing?" Naraku asked.

"They're not my balls, Sir. They're my brother's balls," he answered.

Naraku was too disgusted when he tried to figure out how Sesshoumaru would recognize his own brother's junk, so he just decided it would be better for all parties involved if he forgot about the incident. "Right, well, try not to leave the kids alone in the classroom, unless you want your stapler to be sold for crack," he advised before he left Sesshoumaru alone again.

Sesshoumaru made his copies, and stomped down the hall to his classroom, where his small class was remarkably silent. He put the briefcase down, handed Inuyasha the stack of papers, and said, "Hand these out to everyone. If you mess up, I will kill you after school. Am I clear?" he asked. When Inuyasha actually behaved, he felt a surge of relief. In perfect penmanship, he wrote his name on the board and said, "I am your teacher, Sesshoumaru Inutaisho. You may call me Mr. Inutaisho and nothing else. Any questions?"

A girl raised her hand and when Sesshoumaru called on her, she said, "I want a pony."

"Excuse me?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"I want a pony," Kagura repeated. "I want a pony! Where's my pony!"

Everyone started to laugh, and out of the corner of his eye, Sesshoumaru was sure he saw a folded up note exchange hands. "I don't think I understand."

Shippou joined in and said, "I want a new computer."

"Can you just give me some cash? I mean, men are bad at shopping anyway," Kikyou added.

The note exchanged hands again, but this time, it was snatched in transit by a youki whip, which put it in Sesshoumaru's hands. He unfolded it and all it said was, 'Sesshoumaru = Santa.' Sesshoumaru looked down at his clothes, and realized that it did indeed look like he was covered in soot, like the Santa Claus might be after going down a few thousand chimneys. "Very funny," he sarcastically spat. "If you would please look at your handout now, and read over this semester's syllabus."

Students picked up the papers, which Inuyasha had placed on the desks upside-down, and responded with a mixture of giggles and horror. One girl screamed, to which he replied, "It seems like a lot more than there actually is. Everything seems bigger on paper than in practice." More laughter echoed through the room, and since Sesshoumaru was positive there was nothing funny on the syllabus, he snatched the handout from Shippou's hand, only to find that he was holding a full-color picture of Inuyasha's genitals. Across the bottom, on each page and in messy red ink, a message was written.

"Someday, I hope my balls are as big as my brothers. P.S. Call me Fluffy. - Fluffy-sensei"

Sesshoumaru's fingers clamped around Inuyasha's ear, and he forcefully dragged the pup out into the hall as the hanyou struggled to resolve the laughter and fear competing inside of him. When they were safely outside the classroom, Inuyasha pushed him, which covered his hands in the black powder. Sesshoumaru slammed him against a locker, and then threw him to the ground. When Inuyasha got up, he rubbed his ass with both hands, unintentionally leaving two huge black handprints on each cheek. "Oy, was that necessary?"

"You will go back into that classroom and you will behave yourself or your next lesson is going to be about how eunuchs are made," Sesshoumaru growled.

Naraku was just around the corner when he heard Sesshoumaru say, "I would cut off your cock and balls with a hot knife and cauterize the wound with a heated piece of metal. Then, if you ever wanted to piss again, you'd have to cut a hole in the scar tissue and piss like a girl." He made them corner and cleared his throat, only to notice two black handprints on Inuyasha's bottom, since Inuyasha had his back to the headmaster. Sesshoumaru's hands were indeed still black, and it painted a rather disturbing image in Naraku's mind.

Sesshoumaru shoved Inuyasha back into the classroom and picked up a piece of chalk. "I am your biology teacher." Sesshoumaru distributed his handout to the class, observing each student carefully. They all seemed to be what he expected except for one very quiet girl. She was sitting in the back of the class, and when he asked all the students their names, she said hers Kagome. He realized pretty quickly that whenever he turned his back to the chalkboard, she smelled so aroused that he felt like he was being molested by her eyes. It made him feel nervous and a little self-conscious.

By the time everything had been set up, the bell rang and students filed out of the room. Sesshoumaru sat down at his desk and started to fill class names into his grade book, totally unaware that Kagome was still in the room. He loosened his tie, took a small packet of Kleenex out of his briefcase, and started to pick toner-encrusted boogers out of his nose, thankful to have privacy. The powder tickled his nose and mixed with mucous to make a substance that was one part nasal concrete and the rest, black snot.

Kagome sat in her seat at the back of the room, completely disgusted. Still, she knew how to get what she wanted, and used her camera phone to take pictures of Sesshoumaru's mining expedition.

Sesshoumaru heard the camera snap and froze in horror. "Kami..."

"Wow. I'm so sending these to everyone. What should the subject be? 'Black Booger- Treasure Seeking Pirate?'" Kagome asked. "You'll never live this one down."

Knowing well the position he was in, Sesshoumaru did what he always did. "I'm rich. Name your price."

"How long until your next class?" Kagome asked.

"My next class is at 3PM," he replied.

She took a piece of paper out of her bag, stole his tape dispenser, and taped the small window on the door to the classroom shut. Then, Kagome locked the door. "I heard you got arrested for attempted murder," Kagome said.

"Yes," he answered. "That is true."

From under the skirt, a pair of lacy red panties slid over her legs as she pushed them down. "I like bad boys. A lot."

In truth, Sesshoumaru hadn't ever had sex before, but he understood what she was hinting at. "I have never participated in intercourse. However, I refuse to allow those pictures to become public knowledge."

Kagome grabbed a piece of chalk and began to draw lines on the board. He realized quickly that she was a rather talented artist, but he couldn't figure out what she was drawing. "What is that?"

The girl groaned and wrote in giant capital letters across the top of the board, 'VAGINA,' and then drew a letter to the chalk art. Truly, it was a master work of artistry, he decided, and she might be rich someday if chalk vaginas ever became hot in the art world. She labeled the parts, sat on his desk, pulled her skirt up, and spread her legs. "Lick my clitoris."

Sesshoumaru sat there in his chair, staring at the first vagina he had ever seen up close. Then, in a very methodical, very Sesshoumaru-esque manner, he spun the chair around and looked at the diagram. "Clitoris. Hn." He said, turning back to her waiting pussy.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked.

He blinked a few times and leaned his head down, determined to save his career. The smell was a little strange, and he stuck his tongue out as far as it would go. It touched the bud and Kagome put her hands in his hair and pushed his whole face right into Ground Zero. His arms flailed helplessly as his whole world became pussy, but decided after a few seconds that he rather liked it. What he really enjoyed was the way her heart started to race, as little moans escaped from her.

His own cock started to quickly harden, knowing its owner was so close to the ultimate prize for the first time in his boring, lame life. It seemed to stretch up toward the pussy on the desk, and the strain quickly became very uncomfortable.

"Let's fuck," Kagome whispered.

Sesshoumaru froze and drew back. "You are my student. That would be inappropriate."

Kagome angrily answered, "Inappropriate is having a face covered in pussy juice. It doesn't get much more lewd than that."

When he did nothing, she got off the desk and started to undo his pants. The black toner was still all over them, and when she pushed his plain, boring white briefs down with his pants, his cock bounced back and poked her in the eye. "Ow! You didn't warn me you had a...bazooka, canon, aircraft carrier...whatever you want to call this."

"Are you crying?" he asked. "I have grossly violated your honor and my place."

"No, I have precum stuck in my eyelashes," she grumpily answered.

Kagome got back on the desk and parted her legs again. "Okay, stick it in now."

Sesshoumaru looked down and asked, "Is that sanitary? Is it safe? The Association of School Safety suggests unsafe sex is responsible for many diseases and pregnancies."

At the end of her patience, Kagome jumped off the desk and onto the chair, sliding onto his cock all at once and surprisingly him greatly. The feeling was so unfamiliar yet so good that he jumped up, so he was standing and she was wrapped around his waist. He quickly decided that when he pushed her down onto him with his hands, it felt amazing. He stumbled and pinned her against the chalk vagina, and started to thrust like an amateur. Fevered urgency filled his groans as he nailed Kagome to the board with his 'aircraft carrier' of a penis.

Sesshoumaru came quickly, and Kagome was left panting, but generally unenthused. "You need more lessons."

The door clicked, but she nibbled on his lip. "It's locked."

Sesshoumaru was far beyond horrified when the door opened anyway and Naraku walked in, jingling his keys. The color drained from his face, Naraku's face, and Kagome's. There he was, standing there with his dick in a student. What kind of excuse was he going to make up? "Mr. Naraku, what are you doing here?" he innocently asked, as if the headmaster wasn't going to notice.

"I was looking for my daughter," he answered. "She didn't show up for her second class."

"Did you find her?" Sesshoumaru replied.

Naraku nodded. "Yes, yes I did. Oh, and by the way, you're fired."

Sesshoumaru sighed as Naraku dragged his daughter down the hall, practically screaming at her. He packed his briefcase, put his pants back on, and went home.

He had private lessons to prepare for anyway.