Blood And Tears by Raychel

Blood and Tears

I didn't know what to do, or how to react. It was one half of my heart against the other, fighting to the death. Fighting for me, it seemed. My heart wanted to scream for one, my mind another, my soul both. I didn't know what this would achieve. Looking over, I saw my best friend smirking softly, her own raven hair glinting in the moonlight. Dear mother, don't you understand that in trying to help me, you're killing me?

They fight for my love, that is obvious, though I can't seem to decipher, in the madness of battle, who I am hoping for, who I am cheering for, who I wish to make love to me in victory. It is all a mixture of confusion, and a blur. The rain is drenching me, but I can't feel it. It's like I am not there, that I am somewhere else, but still hearing everything, everything I shouldn't be hearing.

I hear every clash of the sword, and I want to scream. But I can't. Instead, my eyes are blinded with the sorrow I feel. I can hear one of them cry out in pain, I can't tell which. All I can tell is that it made my heart feel like it will shrivel up and die, like a date. I run, unable to see, unable to feel, until...

Until the cold steel slides easily through my stomach, coming out through the other side.

Suddenly, I can see again. The air is rushing through my ears, and I cough. Something runs down the side of my lips. I lift my hand, and touch it delicately. It's blood.

I open my eyes fully to see who was the one that stabbed me, unknowingly, of course. I smile, almost knowingly, seeing InuYasha's youthful face. The horror written across there breaks my heart all over again. And then I realise.

I had protected Sesshoumaru. Without realising, my heart had known who I truly wanted to save, who I truly loved, and it had saved him. Possibly at the cost of my own life. I wouldn't know. I've never died before.

I fall to my knees, and I can feel InuYasha wrap his arms around me. He's crying, which is odd, because InuYasha never cries. But then again, neither do I, and I'm crying right now. I can hear Sesshoumaru's soft footsteps come over and push InuYasha away from me, telling him to cease his pitiful apologies. Apologies I don't want any longer. I can hear Sesshoumaru draw his sword again, and I can hear how InuYasha whispers one word before Sesshoumaru takes his life.

"Aishiteru.." I love you.

I hear his body fall to the ground. If he had stayed with me, told me those words earlier, would it all have been the same, or would it have been different?

I'll never know.

Sango is here now, and she's sobbing. She tells me she never wanted this to happen, she never wanted me to know, she never realised that I loved the man she had hired to kill InuYasha. She never realises anything, my dear friend. I hear Sesshoumaru walk over, and I feel myself being lifted. I hear his voice, telling Sango she's not needed anymore, that she should return home to her husband.

I never knew Sango had married. I hope that her love treats her as well as mine does. I rest my head on his shoulder, and I hear him whisper that it will be alright, that he'll look after me. But I don't think it will. I don't think it will be the same, even if I survive. I can still hear the things that InuYasha shouted at Sesshoumaru...

'Does she sigh when you kiss her as well!?'

'Does her hair feel like silk when it runs through your fingers?'

'Does she kiss you with a passion that makes you think she's about to die?'

'Does she tell you that she loves you when you lay her in bed at night?'

No. It won't be okay. It will be completely different, never the same, never how I wanted it to stay.

And then it went black.