The Silence by Chie

Yobai

Content Warning: Refereces to & mentions of infertility.

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Written for SessKag Week 2022.

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Day 1:

Raw emotion, pure devotion

[...]

Take it higher, our desire

Will determine what we've become now

- Immortalized by Disturbed

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The moon was new and the night was dark. The scent of rain hung in the air and the steady soft hum of it was a soothing lullaby. 

The door of Kagome’s hut was propped open into the darkness. Her futon was laid out neatly — in anticipation —  on the tatami-matted section by the back wall. Kagome herself sat by the hearth, poking at the glowing coals. The heat of them stung her cheeks, a sensation not unlike the rapid patter in the pit of her stomach. It felt more like a small horde of pinch-happy crabs than any delicate fluttering butterflies people so often waxed poetry about. 

She was waiting. For the water to boil, of course — the tray with its teapot and two ceramic cups already lay beside her. But also for any noise other than the static of the falling rain.

Her gaze darted towards the empty doorway. Her stomach gave a couple more twinges before she resolutely turned away and poked at the coals again.

A bittersweet expectation was welling inside of her. It was a sensation she'd become much too used to; brilliant delight, but brittle, its edges sharpened by agony.

Kagome sighed. One heartbreak really should have been enough for her to learn her lesson. Sadly, she hadn’t become twice shy. Her heart had slipped into another impossible romance, falling inch by inch so silently that it was all over before Kagome had even realised it had begun.

She came out of her reverie as she noticed the tiny bubbles starting to dance in the water. Kagome set her poker aside and carefully took the pot of water off the hot coals, setting it aside to cool for a moment. 

A scrape just outside broke through the background noise of the rain. The door of her hut creaked as it suddenly swung shut, sending the elongated shadows cast on her walls flickering as the candle flames danced inside the lanterns. 

“Impeccable timing, as always,” Kagome murmured, a small smile touching her lips. “I was just about to pour the water.”

As she set about the task, soft footfalls slowly crossed the small span of her hut. Awareness skittered across Kagome’s skin and her heart jolted with joy. Somehow, her hands still stayed steady as she poured the water, filling the teapot. 

Her guest sat down beside her, so close that the sleeve of his kimono almost brushed her thigh. 

This arrangement might have become a routine but every nerve-ending Kagome had was flaring into life in his presence.

For eight months now, he’d come to visit her at night. Only on the nights of the new moon, however. Kagome was not sure if that was simply his preference or if there was some deeper symbolism involved — or if he wanted to sneak around Inuyasha’s back. She’d never asked. 

His youki rose, brushing against her aura. Kagome suppressed a shiver, haunted by hope and shadowed by grief. She reached for the teapot and poured both of them a cup. 

“How have you been?” she asked as she handed his cup to him.

“As always,” Sesshoumaru replied, inclining his head in thanks as he accepted the tea. 

Kagome waited a beat, wishing in vain that he’d reciprocate. But as the silence stretched, she sighed and raised her cup to her lips.

“I’m glad you’ve been well, then,” she said after a moment. 

And she was. She certainly did not wish him ill. But enduring these visits had become harder and harder with each passing moon cycle. As Kagome’s feelings for him had grown and wormed their roots into her very soul, she couldn’t content herself with this status quo. She wanted more. She wanted to find her way into his heart. She wanted him to yearn for her just as much as she did for him.

But that would never happen. Kagome wasn’t sure if Sesshoumaru was even capable of love. And even if he was, well… She would hardly be the first female he would turn to. He was a daiyoukai and she was a miko. Unlikely didn’t even begin to describe the match they would make. 

Besides, there was her greatest flaw to consider. It had already brought one relationship to ruin and was a guarantee that nothing deeper would ever develop between her and Sesshoumaru. She did not know much about his life or the demon society in general. He didn’t seem to like talking about himself and she hadn’t dared to pose too many prodding questions. But from what she understood he was in a position of some prominence among his people. Perhaps even in possession of a title he would one day need to pass on to the next in line.

Kagome’s eyes burned and she quickly took a long sip of her tea and tried to stuff her errant thoughts and feelings back into a box. She couldn’t afford to spill them all over him. Tattered as it was, she still had her pride.

Silk rustled as he turned to her and leaned closer. His warm hand cupped her cheek.

“Why are you sad, Kagome?” he asked, his voice gruff.

She leaned into the touch, cradled by the love that swelled in her chest. 

“Just mourning for things that will never be.”

“Such as?”

“Family.”

His thumb traced her cheekbone. “Are you missing yours?”

“Yes.” It wasn’t even a lie; she missed them every minute of every day.

Sesshoumaru downed his tea and stood up. 

Kagome craned her neck as she looked up at him and at the hand he was offering to her.

“Come. Perhaps I can help you forget about everything, if only for a moment.”

Hurting, helpless and completely enamoured with him, she placed her hand in his and let him pull her up. Desire sparked and spun in the air between them as they stood toe to toe, lost in one another. He pulled and she followed, their movements already falling into unison. In a dance as old as time, they made their way across the room to the waiting futon.