So Far Away by Akasha

Lost of A Mate

Kagome walked out of the shower and walked into the huge bedroom. As she sat on the bed she let out a deep sigh. Where was her love? Her mate...gone...again. This time, he was gone for the longest period time he had ever left for. Why was it so hard for him to stay with her? Tears filled her eyes as she looked at a picture of them. She remembered him yelling at Sango for hours for taking it.

She took her towel off and put her robe on. Slowly she got up and walked to her dresser to pick out her night clothes. She had just donned her underwear when a cold voice came from the direction of the doorway.


"Miko, crying never suited you." Sesshoumaru snapped out in a tone that could freeze hell over.


"Well look who finally decided to come home. Let me guess, you got lonely and thought 'Oh I'll go home to my mate, fuck her and leave?" Kagome said in a tone that matched Sesshoumaru's for once.

"No more Sesshoumaru! I refuse to be your toy!" Kagome hissed as she walked to her side of the bed and sat on it, not once facing Sesshoumaru.


Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at her and let out a deep low growl.

"Watch that tongue of yours, Miko. If I return to lie with my mate then so be it." He said in a tone that even hurt the great lord himself to say.


"I'm your mate for kami sake! You are never here! And when you are here you are either to here to screw me and/or debase me the entire time! I want you here for more than that! I won't have it! Not anymore!"
Kagome yelled as tears filled her eyes once more and her rage growing with her sadness.

"Does that mean anything to you? I'm sick of being just a good lay! Do I mean anything at all to you!?" Kagome said glaring at him through tears.

I love you...
I love you...


"That is all you are. A good lay." 'How dare she speak to this Sesshoumaru that way.' As the words spilled from his lips he could see the pain in Kagome's face as she heard his words and he followed them with even more.

"Now be a good bitch. Remove your clothing and lie on the bed. Sesshoumaru said while walking over to the bed. Taking off his shirt, he stopped and looked at her upon hearing her retort.
 

Here we are now
Sleeping in the same bed that we don't share
Walking in the same room but breathe different air
Excuse me but I don't think that I know you
And at night
I walk around and think of you in your own shirts
I'm tired of trying to drink away all the hurt
'Cause when I lose myself I just find you


"NO I will not!" Kagome said looking at him with a cold stare.

"The last time I checked my name is not miko or bitch it is Kagome!" Kagome said walking away from the bed and shaking her head at him.


"Miko. You do not want me to force you." Sesshoumaru said as he set himself upon the bed. His foot knocked against something causing him to look down. He picked up a full unopened bottle of wine.

"So is this how my little mate deals with her pain? Drinking?" Sesshoumaru said meeting her rage. He threw the bottle and it hit the wall behind Kagome and she screamed.

"How dare you think to drink in this Sesshoumaru's home?" Sesshoumaru said in a cold tone. He was angered by the thought of her drinking to...but it was...his fault...he was the cause...he had...his actions had driven her to this. He realized his anger should be directed towards himself but...she should not break...she should be stronger. It could not possibly his fault alone.
 

You're so far away
You're so far away, you're so far away
I need you to say...
I love you...


"I will do as I please in my home. You can't force yourself upon me. It is not allowed, if you do your father will be forced to seek retribution." Kagome said meeting his eyes. She began to speak again.

"I want out. I do not want this anymore!" Kagome said as her voice began to get weak and the sadness, once again, washed over her body. Her heart writhed in excruciating pain.


Oh, God...
I swear I'd rather have you scream or cry
Than have to look at your cold, quiet eyes
How can I be lonely right by your side?


Sesshoumaru chuckled. "My dear little mate, you cannot."

Sesshoumaru finally took this moment to look around the room and what he saw bewildered him. Packed boxes. Bare walls and empty dressers. He glanced at her. His eyes instantly tinting red and for the first time in all the time they had been together his full blown anger was directed at her.

"You would dare to leave this Sesshoumaru!?" He gritted out.

"You went to my father. He. Will. Not. Break. Us. Apart." Sesshoumaru roared in his demon voice as he allowed his rage to get the best of him. "You will not leave this Sesshoumaru!"

You're so far away
You're so far away, you're so far away
I need you to say...
I love you...

"What am I to do Sesshoumaru!? Why is it that all you do is seek to hurt me!?" Kagome yelled back at him.

"YOU refuse to love me! Where is the man I fell in love with years ago!? You even refuse to give me the family I yearn for. You know very well how strongly I desire children and you are so careful to not even spill your seed in me!" Kagome yelled through her tears, now running off her face like a small river.

"What am I to do? What am I to think? I'm leaving and nothing you can say will stop me." She gritted out in a broken helpless sob.


Yeah, yeah...yeah, yeah
I love you...
Yeah, yeah...yeah, yeah
I love you...


Ooh...so far...Know that I miss you
You know that I need you...
I need you to say...
I love you...but...you so far way..
So far away..so far way.


Within seconds Sesshoumaru had her up against the wall by her neck. His eyes were completely red now. Sesshoumaru then smelled something he never before smelled from Kagome. An overwhelming amount of fear and her blood. His eyes went back to normal setting her down. The smell of her fear was too much. He was used to her anger.
He looked down at hand his claws, they had her blood on them. He backed off instantly and vanished.


Need you to say
I love you I love you
I love you...
I....love...you...


Kagome fell to the floor crying harder than she ever had before. She felt so alone. Then a cold nose touched her cheek. She looked up to meet amber eyes. She wrapped her arms around the dog. The dog sat while Kagome cried into her fur.

"I can't go on like this...I won't...I think it's time Akasha, ne? I believe we should leave before he returns." The dog softly whimpered trying to comfort her.

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Meanwhile Sesshoumaru found himself at his parent's bedroom door. Quietly opening the door, Sesshoumaru entered.

"Father, Father. Wake up Father." He shook his father to wake him. InuTaisho woke up meeting his son's eyes and his mother shot up and grabbed the covers.


"Sesshoumaru!" His mother shouted out in pure shock. "What is the meaning of this!?" His mother asked.


Sesshoumaru turned away from his mother.

"I apologize Mother but I must speak with Father." Sesshoumaru said as calmly as possible.


His mother and father looked at one another, each noting the tinge of worry in his voice. His father got out of bed and slipped on some pants. He walked toward his son leading him out of the room.

"I shall return my dear after I deal with him," InuTaisho said calmly as he walked out of the room and closed the door.

"Well my son what an honor to see you and half-dressed to boot." InuTaisho said laughing at his son. His laughter stopped when he smelled Kagome's blood. They walked down the steps and into the kitchen where he turned on the coffeemaker.

"I take it you have been home. You have hurt her physically, have you not? Do not lie to me Sesshoumaru." InuTaisho said pointing to his son's hand.


"Father, it was not my intent to harm her." Sesshoumaru fell quiet and looked to his father.

"You cannot take her away from this Sesshoumaru. This Sesshoumaru needs her." He said with a hint of sadness in his voice.


"You need her you say? Yet you leave her for great lengths of time. She is your mate Sesshoumaru and since the beginning you have never spent more than two weeks with her." InuTaisho said getting up and turning the coffeemaker off after hearing it beep.  He grabbed two cups off the sink and poured them both a cup. Setting one of the cups down in front of a chair as Sesshoumaru sat down and then InuTaisho sat down with his cup and took a small sip before speaking again.

"My son you have not only hurt your mate but you have disappointed and hurt your mother and I. Who do you think Kagome turns to? She is our daughter and we want her happiness as well. You do not know how it pains your mother and me to smell her tears and to hear the pain in her voice. You have disappointed us because we did not raise you to behave this way. You are not my heir due to the fact that you are my son. I believed you to be an intelligent individual with good judgment and one I can entrust this great responsibility to. If you can behave so callously with your mate what am I to think you will do when you become lord?

"Sesshoumaru, you have so much to give her, yet you do not. Why? This is my only question." His father took another sip of his coffee as he watched his son look away. InuTaisho sighed he knew the likelihood of getting an answer from his son.
 
"She has made her choice son. You know without an heir I have no choice but to grant her request to leave and I have. Sesshoumaru this is something only you can fix. Do not expect this to be an easy task. You have caused your mate a lifetime worth of hurt and pain. She will be distrustful of you for some time, it is best you proceed carefully. If she stays or returns to you it must be her decision and it must be made willingly." His father said finishing up his coffee. He rose from his seat and rested his hand on his son's shoulder.

"Everything is in your hands son. It is either her or yourself. The choice is yours. Take heed, if you are able to make amends with your mate do not do so thoughtlessly. If you muddle this up, I fear your loss will be great and it will most definitely be permanent." His father said as he walked out of the room and looked up to see his mate with tears in her eyes.

They both loved Kagome and hated the pain their son caused and continued to cause her over their course of their relationship. InuTaisho carried his mate up the stairs in an attempt to calm her.


Sesshoumaru heard and smelled his mother tears. It tore at him. There was this twisting in his chest that he had never felt before and the wind left him. This was the first he ever heard his mother cry. He had caused everyone involved so much pain, all of those he "cared" for. He knew he could gain back his parents trust, it would take time and effort but he could do it. The only question was could he gain back Kagome's. He needed her. He could not lose her. What if he already had?

As Sesshoumaru sat there he felt wetness on his face and he wiped it away. It happened again and then again. He tried to completely wipe his face clean of all the dampness but it kept returning. Then it hit him he was crying. He growled at himself. This Sesshoumaru never cried. But losing Kagome was something he could not bear. He did love her, but never once told her or better yet showed her. He needed her just like the air he breathed but he continued to misuse and abuse their relationship. With that he was gone.

His father watched him leave with and smiled.

"That's my boy," he whispered to the empty room.

*************************************************************************
Kagome walked through their house confirming she had all she needed. She had all of her pictures, clothing and everything she did not want to leave or thought Sesshoumaru did not want. She went upstairs, and then walked into their room. Overwhelmed with all of the emotions she thought she had under control she fell to the floor crying.

*************************************************************************

Soon Akasha came in and sat in front of her with a rose in her mouth.

"You were in Mommy's rose garden again weren't you? Can't say anything, hmm? I know you're trying to cheer me up." Kagome said through sobs taking the rose out of the dog's mouth.


"Do not blame the dog. It is our nature to have an affinity for flowers." Sesshoumaru said from the doorway.


Kagome turned to him and saw that his eyes were different. She nodded her head and quickly got up and started towards the direction opposite him.

"Don't worry, I will have all of my things gone by tomorrow. My taxi will be here shortly." She said with a little tremor to her voice.
 

Sesshoumaru glanced at her then quickly looked away at that moment not wanting to face Kagome.


Kagome reached for the phone and dialed the number to the taxi cab service. She began to speak.

"Hello, I would-" Kagome was immediately cut off as the phone was yanked from her hand. She looked up and there she was facing the wall and Sesshoumaru right behind her, now pressing her against the wall. Fear instantly filled her.

"Please Sesshou-" Kagome began to plead as tears hurriedly ran down her face.


"You..." He whispered into her ear effectively cutting her off. He scented her fear and her tears and the twisting in his chest worsened.

"I cannot live without you Kagome. This Sesshoumaru needs you here in his life. I-I a-apo-apologize for the hurt I have caused you.

"One more chance is all that I ask to mend this." Sesshoumaru whispered in her ear as he placed his clawed hand lovingly on her chest over the place where her heart was located.

"I swear it. From this moment on I will spend my life atoning for all the wrong I have done to you."


Like a wind that's slowly blowing
Your breath upon my skin softly comforts me
Like a dream that leaves you longing
I just hear your voice and I'm weak
And I know it's not just passion that's touched me so deep
Even though I try to hide
Something's changed in me


Kagome let out a small whimper as tears formed in her eyes. 'Could she believe him?'

"How can I trust what you're saying is true? You have always spoken sweet nothings to me when you want to get me in bed or bend me to your will." Those words fell from her lips she then stiffened. Kagome eyes widened when she realized he was whimpering in her ear. She had never heard Sesshoumaru sound like this. Sound so desperate.


Cause we found something sacred
I'm not scared anymore
'Cause we found something sacred
Something we can't ignore
When so many lovers never find each other
I've found you
'Cause we found something sacred
So sacred And sweet


"Let this Sesshoumaru prove himself to you." Sesshoumaru said turning her around and looking her in the eye.

Kagome looked up at him. Sure he said things to her but what he was saying to her now she never heard before. "Sesshoumaru....I...don't really know what to say." Kagome was in pure shock, she, for once, didn't know what to say.


Like a kiss that keeps you yearning
When I feel your lips I start to cry
Baby, put your hands upon me
Leave me breathless tonight
I'm alive and unafraid
Unashamed With you


"Kagome, this Sesshoumaru...I love you. Please do not leave me." Sesshoumaru pleaded as he gazed lovingly into her eyes and pressed further against her. "Whatever you ask of me shall be done. It is all on your terms, you will set all of the rules. This Sesshoumaru submits to you." As he bared his neck to her in an act of submission.

Kagome gasped as if the all of her breathe had been physically knocked from her. "Sesshoumaru?" She looked into his eyes questioning the sincerity of his words.

He nodded and nuzzled her neck and faintly continued to whimper.


'Cause we found something sacred
I'm not scared anymore
'Cause we found something sacred
Something we can't ignore
When so many lovers never find each other
I've found you
'Cause we found something sacred
So sacred Sacred...
 Ohhhhhhhhhhh


"Sesshoumaru..." Kagome said as she turned her head away from his direction, the tears were starting again. 'Isn't there such thing as running out of tears? Damn.'

 "I-I-I love you too but..." She trailed off and lowering her head.

Sesshoumaru instantly got a sinking feeling in his gut.
 
"I need some time." She finished.

With that, Sesshoumaru released her and turned away from her with his head lowered.

Kagome continued.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you. I do. And if we can work this out I want to go through with it."

Sesshoumaru turned to Kagome with a hopeful look clearly displayed on his face.

"I just need time to get my thoughts and my feelings in order. I need time away from here," she said as she waved her arm around referring to their home. "And I need time away from you."
 

I found you...
When so many lovers never find each other
I've found you
'Cause we found something sacred
So sacred Yeah yeah and yeah and sweet


"Please Sesshoumaru, do not stop me from leaving tonight. I will be at my mother's home. I will call you within a couple of days and we can talk about how we will start to...you know...repair us."

Kagome picked up the phone and made arrangements with the taxi service to be picked up. Sesshoumaru stood by quietly, this was the first time he was at a lost for what to do. He had already given Kagome complete control over what terms they were to rebuild their bond.

While Sesshoumaru was lost in thought he had not noticed Kagome's approach. He suddenly felt something on his lips.

Kagome watched Sesshoumaru, she knew what he was thinking but she also knew that she needed to leave for a few days or so. Upon hearing the cab arrive she had this overwhelming urge to kiss him. So that's just what she did, she walked up to him stood on her tippy-toes and placed her lips upon his.

Before Sesshoumaru had time to respond the kiss had ended and Kagome was heading toward the door. As she exited the door she turned back towards him and quickly said "I love you Sesshoumaru. Do not come after me."