Very nice, and at times, very funny as well. I could totally identify with the beginning part about missing 5-10 minutes of sleep. I am very protective of my sleep (maybe rabid) and I would freak out too. On the whole, there are some tense issues, and a little bit of rambling here and there, but I liked it. Also, I find it hard to believe that a college girl has not kissed her boyfriend, at least a peck on the lips. I guess that's just me. I will be watching for more on this story.
Okay - good things first!
My favorite line of chapter one (after the prologue):
'Feelings? Well that certainly ruins the whole play,' Sesshomaru thought with distaste. 'None the less, I will over look this small rift in the story.'
That was such a sesshoumaru thing to say! I loved it! The overall plot is very gripping and really interesting. Alternate universe fics are my favorite because they put the characters of inuyasha in a modern (or not) setting that i can relate to. (did that even make sense? i just like alternate unis cuz they're different...)
I would have liked it better if you wrote out the audition - maybe not completely, but more than what you wrote. It would have made for a better transition and would have further underscored the fact that Kagome feels completely at home in this setting (whether it is acting itself or the prop display).
There were some issues with keeping your fic in one tense, some spelling errors, awkward sentences...etc. but it didnt necessarily take away my enjoyment. My prescription (lol) is to get a beta; that way the beta can catch all the errors and you'll be left with an even more fabulous fic! <3
ducky out!
A promising start... Your grammar is in good shape, and I didn't spot too many errors. It started off rather funny. I look forward to reading more.
Hairann (Chapter 2) - Sun 07 Feb 2010
Few words of advice, when it comes to puncation, less is more. You only need one ! per sentence and using three or four of them only leads to interuptions in the story flow and annoys the readers. Also make sure you are putting the right puncuation in the right places, for example...
'"Seriously Kagome, get your ass out of bed, and turn that stupid alarm off," Sango yelled!' the ! should be after 'off' and a period after yelled.
Try to stay away from words in all caps, a simple ! will do the job much better without hurting the reader's eyes. You started off with pretty decent sized paragraphs but then you ended up with too many one-liners together, try to make sure you add more detail as it will help the story move along. And a word of warning, the sentence 'the more responses I get the faster I can go' in your AN at the end of the first chapter is borderlineing on breaking the rules here at Dokuga. The number of reviews you get should never determine how fast you write a story.
I like it, I really really do...somehow it's gone from canon to AU and the Sess, Kags and Naraku are going to get sucked into playing their former past lives...this is a super storyline. You've got a deadlock on Sess' ice cold character and Kags is still as klutzy as ever. Making Kikyou the slut though was a bit of a stretch but it's a great couple of chapters. Hope you decide to continue.
Ikaru (Chapter 2) - Fri 05 Feb 2010
well i must say that i do like the direction you are taking with this, i will say that there were a few grammar issues in there, but thats nothing a beta won't be able to fix, for a first story i believe you are doing a rather good job, and given time you will be able to polish your skills even more, i will be marking this as a favorite story and i am looking forward to the next chapter...keep up the good work!!!
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