Such an excellent first chapter. It was so gripping to read. I love reading non-dialogued introspectives on characters and i think you portrayed kagome so well. A lot of people write her presence in the feudal era as a given, but at the same time, kagome is just a normal teen girl with so many insecurities. She is PLAGUED in the anime/manga about her role and identity in the group (and also about whether or not she should stay there.)
This line: "Besides, she could wear her mask of cheerfulness a little while longer." made my heart twinge. It was so well put after her own thoughts a little before. You captured the bittersweet mood so well. I hope this review isnt giving you a toothache so far... >.<
Sesshoumaru pondering the meaning of happiness and kindness is something that a lot of people deal with too (i think). The internal voice of sesshoumaru was very interesting because it was warm and definitely multi-syllabic compared to his usual 'hn.' Excellent set up for k and s meeting! I can't waaaaaaiiiit!!
Finally - Kagome leaves the Inu-tachi or group or tachi, not itachi. Itachi means weasel in japanese... >.< lol
ducky out!
I like how this has started out. You have a talent for descriptive detail, too. I noticed a couple of typos here and there, but nothing big. I hope you update soon.
Very well-written. I like how descriptive you are. I would really, really like to read more and see where you take this. Keep up the fantastic work!
I really like this! I don't see much of a problem with anything, save for the fact that Sessy seems a bit schizo. Other than that, the descriptions are nice, the grammar and spelling seem fine, and I can't wait for the next chapter!
I saw a couple of very minor spelling issues, but nothing to really detract from the story. I like the way it has started out. You definitley stopped at the right spot to keep the reader interested. I hope that you continue this soon.
Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Fri 29 Jan 2010
i believe i had a dense moment, i forgot there were many ways to spell Ah Un...my appologies!!
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Fri 29 Jan 2010
Interesting beginning, details are well thought out an the story flows nicely. A couple of the paragraphs were a bit big to read on a computer screen, but I found no other problems than that. Keep up the good work :).
Hairann
Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Fri 29 Jan 2010
well that was interesting, sessh having an internal debate with himself...very tinteresting indeed...i did notice one thing, the way you spelled A-Un, it should be Ah-Un, just figured id let ya know, i really wanna see what will come next!!
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