same advice as the others, you should get a beta because you do have lots of spelling and grammar mistakes which makes it less enjoyable. You also might want to consider slowing down, it gives you a little more time to develop characters, relationships, story line and such. It just makes the story a little more interesting for the reader. Other than that its a pretty good story. Keep it up!

The plot of the story is really good :) but i think mistakes in grammar and spelling make it difficult for some readers to actually read what you've written and appreciate it. In my case, sometimes, too many mistakes make me want to stop reading a story..but I've read yours and I loved the concept of it :) I recommend getting a beta. More power to your writing!

hmm interesting, theres a lot of mistakes though, but it will get easier as you go, see if you can find a beta maybe mine is a life saver. good idea though :)