The idea of a secret admirer is a cute one, but some of the scenes you've put in this fic feel almost borrowed. Something about them doesn't seem to flow, I guess. You have a decent ability to portray emotions, but you could stand to brush up on grammar and get a good beta. Re-reading all your chapters a few times before posting (give yourself a good week between finsihing it and posting, so you have some distance from it to find your mistakes.). Good luck improving your writing.
Really like this, but something is up with the third chapter. It got cut off or something. I hope you will look into it.
Good start. I like the direction your taking. If you still need a beta, let me know. Please update soon:)
tina (Chapter 2) - Tue 17 Jun 2008
awe this is sugar sweet and so cute looking forward to future updates
4arrows (Chapter 2) - Wed 28 May 2008
Cute story. I like the way you have incorporated the characters, and set the stage for both the main plot, and sub plots running simultaneously. Good job, even thought we know who the secret admirer will be in dragging it out a bit.
4>---->
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