First of all I do not flame! I have to tell you as I would want someone to tell me. You need to work on your spelling, it will get better as you write and read. Your story doesn't flow at all. There are to many gaps in your story and things that don't make sence. Why would Sango bring her such food when she was just shot? The way Sessy appeared in the hospital room apparently before her surgery, the ER would be in a rushed furry with a gun shot wound to the chest. No one I know would be that upbeat after being mugged and nearly killed by some thugs. Too she is willing to go to a strangers home, for someone who lived on the streets wouldn't trust that easily. I know he saved her life, how did he do it... okay you get it? This is an excellent story line and you can take it places, you've got the talent to do it. I think you need to slow down, take your time, think of the situations you are using in your story, such as the hospital and gun shot wound, think of things you've seen in movies and t.v shows to guide you. I'm serously not flaming or putting you down. This is the first review that I have ever written giving such advice, because I feel I shouldn't do that to someone who is brave and confident enough to write and post for the world to see in the first place. Then reading your story let me know that not telling someone how to help them selves is like not telling your best friend that she has a piece of salad in her teeth and letting everyone see it just hanging there. Know what I'm trying to say? Also I would love to help you write this story, leave my name out of it, I don't want credit I just want to help you why I don't know, I never offered to help anyone write or beta their fic, but there must be something about you that made me ask.(smiles). I don't have a fic posted any where, just the ones my friends read and they think I should post, but I want to be sure I will have time to devote to the story I post, I don't want to leave it hanging one of my pet peeves get into a story and the writer has abandoned it. Like I said I'd love to help you with this fic, it's got a great potential so do you. Again, I am in no way putting you down. Write on! Much Love InuAngel I'll check the reviews for an answer.

misstress of demon blood I am not lieing to u this story very creative!but u have got to learn how to spell stuff! from a caring friend!

Hey Mandy thanks 4 the reveiw.

Thanx 4 all the others who reveiw!!!!!

Mmm. I don't really want to be discouraging and I don't want you to think that I'm flaming you, because SO not. The chapter is exceedingly short. The spelling and grammar isn't really all that good. I can see you have some skill at describing action, but until you get a better handle on your spelling and grammar issues, your stories will suffer. I suggest you find yourself a good beta reader. My second suggestion is to immerse yourself in some English language sites that'll help with the grammar and spelling issues. I mean, sure, no one is gonna be perfect but the only way a writer gets better is by studying and suffering the occasional helpful advice of a constructive critic. Anyway, I do think you've got loads of potential! So keep at it! Happy writing!

The idea is a good one, but you need to work on your grammar and spelling. Now not to discourage you one your first fic, but you might want to get a beta. It might also be a good idea to read around a bit, and see how other stories are being set-up, that should help. Now you may think that I am singling you out, but I try to do this as often as I can. When I see an author that has so much potential as you seem to have, but struggle, I give them help. After you have someone talk, you are supposed to start a new paragraph. The flow is a little odd. Why would Sesshoumaru just say that she is gonna live with him? Wouldn't you get kind of freaked out if you were just mugged, put in the hospital, and then told you had to live with some dude you just met? Well I hope that this review helps. I did not mean it to be a flame or anything of the sort. I am just trying to help you make your story better. Good luck! :) -FangedBeasty