Very funny, i liked it. The motions they do though could be incorporated better but i like it very different.

You definitely have a very unique writing style. You've clearly got a flourishing sense of humour, and I love the almost sardonic tone to this whole piece. However, my only bit of criticism is: I personally dislike the use of "stage directions", if you will, in stories. Instead of :sigh:, try "I sighed". It just tends to make everything look a little bit neater and more professional. 

Otherwise, I thought it was an intriguing start - and I can't wait to see where you take it!

Oh the last line of the first chapter made me laugh my butt off! And same too with the last line of the second. I think my jaw would drop open--maybe even off-- if my mom told me I needed to get laid!