I like it overall. You used divulged a few times in chapter 4 & it makes no sense, divulged means to make known (something private or secret). or to proclaim publicly, bring (information) out of concealment & nobody is doing that in either instance you used it. Immersed MAY be a better word choice, it means engrossed or absorbed (completely immersed in his work). Hope this helps.
| haha, I love this! (uno problemo: the text was way too large in that last chapter)
| Oh good lord you just about killed me! man this chapter was funny!espcially the end.
"Take Rin to WacDonald's. XD
Lilli (Chapter 2) - Wed 11 Mar 2009
HAHAHA This is amazing!
It's such an original idea!!!
I can't wait to see how this plot is going to unfold (:
Please update soon!
| WOW Sess is lucky to have a good job for someone that had a kid at the age of 16... and now to be a single parent...
What about college?
Saholia (Chapter 1) - Sun 08 Mar 2009
This is very well written--I'm really enjoying your story! Can't help but want to guess what's gonna happen next! lol
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