This is a fascinating idea. Youkai Extermination Organization, very clever and original. Your writing is descriptive and engaging and your plot is original. I hope you continue this. It seems like it will be exciting.
Very Jason Bourne beginning...I likey alot. I would love to know who the boss is. And her target is Papa...that's awesome. Nothing really jumped out at me. Great job with the details and descriptors. I really hope you continue this story. There's always room for a little more mystery and intrigue.
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Mon 22 Mar 2010
Very interesting start and I really hope you continue this. You have an amazing attention for details and the story flows wonderfully. There are a few minor issues such as trying not to use ()'s in the middle of a story, as it can distract away from your amazing writing. And I would have liked to see more details and background, but could easily be caught up in future chapters. Again I really hope you continue this and would love to see more from you in the future.
Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Fri 19 Mar 2010
Im not a huge fan of first person POV in fanfiction, but this actually wasn't all that bad. I enjoyed the mystery behind her assignment, and it actually has me wondering what will come next. No spelling or grammar errors jumped out at me: it was a very well written piece of work. Kudos to you!
This is really interesting...it kinda reminded me a little of Charlie's Angels with the tape and voice at the beginning lol...there was a capitalization error (japan should be Japan) but that is all that stuck out for me. It was really well written and I cannot wait to learn more. Great job!
| | | | |