Possessed (Chapter 1) - Sat 29 Nov 2008

A very nice story, very well written!  You had a nice flow going and kept the characters true to themselves.  Excellent!  I look forward to reading more from you...


Incomprehensible (Chapter 1) - Fri 28 Nov 2008

Hiya, Fall-chan!

I know I don't really need to review, and that I can tell you in the chat or something, but I'm doing it anyway, since I'll probably have forgotten by tomorrow.

I really like it. It's very in-character, and overall, nice. It really made me think about Thanksgiving, even though it was a while ago for me, and what it means to people all over the place. The only thing I can think to suggest at this time, is to break up your paragraphs a little more.

Instead of having many sentances strewn together to make a long, long paragraph that people will want to skip, keep it to a close three or four. Five at most, I think, unless you're writing book-style with indents and stuff.

Haha, after that, nothing.

~ Incomprehensible


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