I like the concept of Kouga and Kagome being siblings. I really had a hard time following your writing. Numerous mispelled words and many punctuation problems were the cause. It really messed with the flow. Maybe get a beta. i do think you have a decent storyline, so far.

This is a cute beginning.  I liked the scene with Kagome and Kouga playing in the tree fort, but it seems like that scene could have been a prologue, and you could have started the next chapter with Kagome and Kouga in the present.  As the chapter ends now, I'm left not really knowing what to expect, other than to see Sango and Ayame drooling over football players. 

Also, I know you were trying to relay that they were excited about the idea, but writing their words in all caps is a little distracting and not really necessary.  Exclamation marks and the description of their actions are enough to get the idea across.  There were also several sentences that were a bit jumbled, and I had to read them a couple of times to figure out what you meant, but that is nothing that some proofreading or a beta couldn't fix.

Overall, this story does have potential, and the summary is definitely intruiging.  I would like to see what you have planned for it.

other than a few spelling errors and it seeming to be a little rushed, i believe you did rather well, a little editing and you will have a good base to continue you story on...good luck:D

Okay, before I start, the issue of mechanics must be addressed.  While I can understand spelling mistakes/grammar…blah blah blah (hey it happens to everyone once in a while), not putting a space after a period at the end of sentence is a serious problem.  Frankly, it was painful to read.  I don’t even remember the plot of the chapter other than the fact that the characters were children (maybe?) because I was so distracted by the errors.  I hope I don’t offend you with this, and I sincerely feel I am not flaming you because I am providing clear reasons for my criticisms. 

This is beyond beta help.  What I read was a mess of words, not a story.  If you wish to continue or fix errors, you must start by deconstructing your chapter sentence by sentence and doing some serious editing.  Do not be discouraged by my comments.  I am sure you have a fantastic plot stored somewhere.  I only hope you do it justice by brushing up your mechanics.

ducky out.

Kagome and Kouga are cute as kids and it's an interesting way to begin the story with a flashback to their childhood.  You have some spelling and grammar issues throughout but that can easily be corrected.  You switched tense a couple of times too. A beta could help you with that or maybe reread it a couple of times yourself and use spell check.

It's a little confusing when in the very first two sentences you tell the reader that they are twins but further down Kouga keeps referring to Kagome as his little sister.  If he was born first that would technically be true, but I had to back track thinking that I'd misunderstood and he was truly much older than her.  If they're twins though I don't thinkd a few minutes constitutes an older sibling.  It's not a big deal, just something to consider.

This seems like an interesting au story and with a few corrections, I'd like to read more.

I like the premise of the story, which I guess would be to make some fairy tale reference in each chapter, but I really think that you need a beta. Even reading over some of the stuff you wrote yourself can sometimes be very helpful. Spellcheck will help with the spelling issues, and the grammar function can also work wonders. There is a misspelling in the summary of the story, which may keep lots of readers away. I think it was pronce instead of prince. Anyways, good luck and I hope you have fun here on Dokuga!

It's a great start to what could be a fun story but you really need to work on the sentence structure, spelling and paragraphs. An extra pair of eyes would definitely be helpful in making the words flow a lot better.

I would definitely be interesting in reading the rest of this tale once it's written and posted. Good luck and happy writing.

An interesting idea for a story, but it does need quite a bit of work.  I would recomend finding yourself a beta, as a lot of the little grammer boo boos could be easily be caught by them.  A few things to work on yourself, make sure you put spaces in between sentences and after ", a lot of your paragraphs seem rather squished together.  Try to stay away from words or sentences in all caps, adding in unneeded details in ( ), such as...

'First one there gets to sleep on the top bunk tonight (they had bunk beds).'  By mentioning the top bunk, the reader already knows they have bunk beds and doesn't need to be told.  Plus you shouldn't add little notes like that in the middle of your sentences, as they can be taken as AN's littered through the story, which are in fact against the rules here at Dokuga.  And try not to add unnessicary punctuation into a sentence...

'I!Want!TO!COME!"' really should be "I want to come!", you don't really need the caps to enfasize what you are trying to say as the ! does that for you, and you shouldn't have more than one ending punctuation per sentence, such as ! . , ?   Also make sure you use the correct one...

'Is Kouga going to be there.' should be 'Is Kouga going to be there?' as it is a question.  Good luck with this story :).