Kagome tried to shake off her irritation as she left the village.
She stormed past the Bone Eater's Well, barely noticing what she'd once sought out any time she'd been upset in this era. She kept walking, her bow and arrows on her shoulder in case she needed them, as she made her way into InuYasha's forest.
It's not our first fight, she reminded herself as she walked through the forest, hoping to wear her rage down. And it's not the first time he's implied that I don't know what I'm doing, either. The only good thing is he's stopped bringing Kikyo into it.
But InuYasha hadn't forgotten Kikyo and that was part of the problem. Though she cared for InuYasha and she knew he cared for her, they both struggled to move past Kikyo's influence. For Kagome, it was because she'd seen the two of them together and she couldn't help but compare how InuYasha was with Kikyo with how he was with her. For InuYasha, he was unable to keep from comparing the two women, no matter how different they might be, and though he no longer commented out loud directly, he couldn't completely stop the comparison.
It hurt to admit to herself that while InuYasha had been charming and tender with Kikyo, he was often brash and rough with Kagome. He still deflected his feelings and he always left it up to her to set the pace for the relationship. Though he allowed her to hug and kiss him, he didn't seek out physical affection and didn't go out of his way to cherish her. Unfortunately, Kagome knew all too well that that hadn't been the case with Kikyo—she'd shared some of those memories, mostly thanks to Naraku's influence. InuYasha had sought the older priestess out and had been willing to hug and kiss her and even admit he loved her, both privately to himself and out loud.
He'd never stopped admitting it, either. He'd gone out of his way to chase Kikyo down, to spend time with her, even after she'd died and been brought back to a half-life. The closest InuYasha had come to the same action was when the Shikon jewel had kidnapped Kagome, and even then, once he'd found his way to her, he'd been willing to let her go.
It hurt, because she knew he'd never have let Kikyo go and, in fact, the only reason he had was because she'd promised to be waiting for him in the underworld, freeing InuYasha to finally live his life without guilt—because he would once again see Kikyo.
No matter what Kagome did, she would always be second best and it hurt.
She wandered around the forest aimlessly. She didn't have a destination in mind; she was just walking to reset her mood and to try and find some semblance of acceptance before she returned to InuYasha. After all this time, she couldn't imagine a life without him, so what else could she do? Morose, she continued to walk around the forest until the sun had set and the full moon had risen and still she couldn't bring herself to return to InuYasha. Not yet.
Kagome suddenly stopped in surprise, unable to believe the sight in front of her.
Sesshomaru, completely and unabashedly nude, was lounging in a hot spring, idly running his fingers through the long, wet strands of his hair. He was more toned than she'd thought, though she'd never once doubted his strength. She'd seen that all too often the aftermath of his sparring with InuYasha.
He was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. And she could see him, every little detail in the bright moonlight peering through the trees.
She couldn't help herself. She gaped.
Kagome wasn't really sure when he'd noticed her because she wasn't really sure how long she'd been standing there, staring at him like some lovesick teenager. And she most definitely was not; it had been a few years since she'd graduated high school and returned to the past to live with her friends here.
At some point. however, Sesshomaru noticed her staring. "See something you like, priestess?" He raised a brow as if silently daring her to deny she'd been staring.
She took him up on the challenge, more because she was too embarrassed to admit she'd been staring at InuYasha's brother. "No," she said, shifting her weight. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."
She forced herself to look up and down him and then turn away dismissively. She wasn't going to indulge Sesshomaru or pander his ego. At any rate, she had thrown in her lot with InuYasha and though he hadn't yet married her, she knew it would only be a matter of time. Miroku figured the hanyo was saving to set her up in a nice house, filled with comforts purchased by his yokai hunting, and she couldn't think of any reason that wasn't true.
"Priestess," Sesshomaru called out to her as she turned away. "This one would enjoy proving your words false."
She didn't turn around. "I'm engaged to InuYasha, Sesshomaru," she warned him. "Whether or not I find you attractive doesn't matter."
"Perhaps," Sesshomaru agreed to her surprise but then he caught her off guard when he added, "if he intended to mate you, that would be true. Yet this one doubts that is the case, for you have been back for some time now and the hanyo has not mated you."
She took affront to Sesshomaru's insinuation that InuYasha was never going to marry her. "He's waiting for a reason," Kagome told him with a pride she didn't feel. "InuYasha had nothing. He wants to make sure he can take care of any children we have before we're married. I respect that."
Kagome tried not to think about how happy they'd been when she'd first arrived back in the past after graduating. InuYasha had told her he'd missed her and made all sorts of promises to make sure she would be happy all of her days. For the next few months, he'd been by her side while she'd gotten herbs for Kaede and he'd taken walks with her after every dinner before they settled in to sleep. It was the closest he'd ever been to tenderness with her and she'd soaked every last inch of that affection up.
Eventually, however, as time wore on, InuYasha returned to his old ways, with a few moments here or there of rare affection. Kagome had finally been forced to accept that InuYasha would never be able to be with her the same way he'd been with Kikyo and she'd accepted it, hoping he would at least grow more open with her in time.
"Is he?" Sesshomaru asked, drawing her out of her thoughts. "As this one recalls, the hanyo had been so desperate to be with the last priestess that he'd been willing to surrender his yokai heritage and live with her in poverty." He scoffed.
Kagome flinched.
"As this one sees it, it is no betrayal to find another attractive." His words taunted her and she found herself turning around as he stretched out, showing off more of his abdominal muscles. His claws clenched the rocks at the end of the hot spring, giving him a better angle. "Particularly not when such an enticing male is before you."
She rolled her eyes, forcing herself not to follow his flexing muscles downward. "Why are you here, Sesshomaru?" she asked, trying to steer the conversation away from emotionally tumultuous waters.
"This one is seeking a mate," he answered idly, stunning her. "Imagine his surprise when you of all females stumbled into his private sanctuary."
She looked around, surprised by his words, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary in the small clearing to indicate that this place was a sanctuary, private or otherwise. "It wasn't a difficult place to find." She stopped as she considered his words. "A mate? Why?"
It was hard to picture Sesshomaru with anyone and she just couldn't imagine him as a family man. InuYasha, sure; he'd already said he'd wanted children. But Sesshomaru? She couldn't even picture him parenting a child—a child Kagome could already picture as a miniature clone of Sesshomaru.
Sesshomaru chuckled and she was astonished by the sound. She'd never heard him laugh before, but his low, melodically laugh was as beautiful as the rest of him. "Therein lies the intrigue," he answered, giving her a level look. "And why not? It is time this one settled down; he has done what he has set out to do."
"Well, good luck finding a mate, Sesshomaru. I hope you're happy together," Kagome said lamely, unable to think of anything else to say and not really wanting to question him further. Sesshomaru was in an odd mood, one she wasn't really sure how to deal with. "I think I'll head back to the village now."
"Will you?" His voice called after her as she turned to leave again. "To the hanyo who cares little for your needs?"
Kagome turned back around, her irritation she'd been working to shake off returning in full force. "What do you know about my needs?" It chafed her, the insinuation that he knew her better than InuYasha did. She'd been with InuYasha for years but only had a handful of interactions with Sesshomaru. What made the inuyokai think he knew more?
"You want a mate who sees you, who places you above all others." Sesshomaru's words seemed to taunt her. "This one has mated no other, has sought the affections of no other. There is no competition, no prior female to best. This one would even agree not to take another if you chose him. You would be his only mate and wife."
She was flabbergasted at the unexpected proposal. "Me?" she squeaked and a moment later regained her composure. "You want to mate me, Sesshomaru? Why?"
He casually ran his fingers through a strand of his hair. "You meet this one's criteria."
"But I'm human," she protested. "I'll die."
"Perhaps one day," he agreed with a small smile, "but this one suspects that would not happen for some time, if at all. You were born with the Shikon jewel inside you; it has done more than block your power. It has given you its immunity to time."
She stared at him as an ugly idea reared its head. "You're not asking just because it would upset InuYasha, are you?"
"It is hardly this one's fault if InuYasha loses a would-be partner due to the hanyo's own negligence." He sniffed and she was as surprised by the undignified sound as she had been by his laughter. "This one is aware that you seek affection and suspects that the hanyo has been rather negligent in seeing that your needs have been fulfilled."
Kagome took a deep breath. "I'm flattered, Sesshomaru, but I don't really think we'd make a good match." It was the safest way she could think of to let him down, though part of her thought she must be crazy for turning down a beautiful man like Sesshomaru. The other part of her thought the first part of her was an idiot, because caring and loving and romantic were not words anyone would associate with Sesshomaru and that, more than anything, was what she wanted in a partner.
Still, she couldn't help but think of Sesshomaru with Rin back in the days of Naraku. He'd never been loud, but his feelings had been obvious.
Sesshomaru looked surprised for a moment but then his expression shifted to determination. "Why not?"
He looked like he wouldn't let her leave if she didn't explain things to his satisfaction so with resignation, she said, "Maybe I met your criteria, Sesshomaru, but you don't meet mine."
"And why," he asked carefully, "is that?"
"I want a romantic partner." She met his golden gaze, hoping he'd see her own determination. Even if she left InuYasha, she wouldn't settle for something less than what she already had. "I want someone who loves me, who can meet me halfway. I want a partner. I want someone I can fight alongside. And I want to feel loved."
He seemed to mull over her words. "And you think this one cannot do that?"
She waved a hand. "You don't love me and we both know it."
He rose in the water, exposing himself completely to her and she couldn't look away quickly enough to keep his naked body from burning into her mind. "This one is not incapable of affection," he all but growled. "This one is inuyokai, not dead."
"I never said you can't," she reminded him, sighing. "But you don't, and that's a difference."
"And you think this one cannot learn." He looked frustrated. "You will not even allow him to try."
"And what if you don't?" she countered. "What if you never do? I'd have thrown everything to live with you, Sesshomaru, and I'd get nothing out of it. I'm not going through that again."
"I am not the hanyo." It was the first time he'd dropped the formal language and she'd lost track of her carefully thought out retort as the realization hit her. "I am willing to set aside my ego to be with you, Kagome. Surely you can do no less."
She faltered. "Sesshomaru..." She bit her lower lip. "I don't love you."
"And I don't love you," he countered, raising a brow. "But with me, you will already have more than you have with the hanyo. Everything that is in my power to give you, I will. Tell me your every need until I learn to identify and respond to them on my own. I am not overly familiar with humans, Kagome. I may make mistakes. But I will admit to them and strive to improve. That is more than InuYasha can give you."
As if sensing her vacillating mind, he cajoled, "There is no reason to decline my offer, Kagome. In time, I am confident we will both develop feelings of affection. You have already proven your worth; allow me to prove mine, along with my sincerity."
He made his way to the other edge of the hot spring, closest to her, and as she stared, he pulled himself out of the water. Try as she might to will herself to move, she let him close the distance between her until he was hovering over her, ready to kiss her.
"Say yes," he cajoled, reaching out to run his fingers through her hair instead of his own.
She hesitated and Sesshomaru seemed to take her hesitation for rejection. "I'll be a good mate," he promised her and instead of kissing her, he pulled her into a warm embrace. She went without protest, closing her eyes at the comforting hug she hadn't expected from Sesshomaru of all people. "Tell me what I can do to prove it to you, Kagome."
His hug had already proven it. If he'd kissed her as she had no doubt he'd intended to at first, it would have been easy enough to resist. She could resist desire because desire wasn't all she wanted. But she was weak to love and affection and that was what he'd given her. He'd hugged her and his hands just gently wrapped around her neck and lower back, not so much so that she couldn't free herself, but enough to make her feel secure and cherished.
The mental picture she'd had of Sesshomaru with a child morphed. Instead of him absently ignoring a child who looked almost like him as the child clamored for attention, she saw him allowing a child to decorate his hair with flowers like they'd once caught Rin doing to him. She saw him teaching a son and daughter to use a sword, gently correcting them when they struggled and praising them when they succeeded. She saw him doting on his children, hugging them close as he now hugged her.
Then the images shifted. She saw Sesshomaru care for her while she was pregnant, bringing to her every comfort. She saw his delighted expression the moment they both laid eyes on their first child and the adoring look he gave her. She saw him take her on long walks together, bring her little gifts, and sit down with her in a garden to read haiku beneath the shade of a tree. She saw the pleased look on his face as she dozed off in his arms and the look of longing whenever she was near.
And though she'd later tell him about the daydream, long after it had come true, she had the strongest feeling then that it would come true. He didn't love her yet, but he would; the feeling was too strong to ignore. And she already knew she was half in love with him after what she'd seen. All of this could be her future.
If she said yes.
"Let's give it a try," she said as he allowed her to pull back enough to smile at him. When he'd softened to her, she didn't know. What criteria of his she'd possessed, she didn't know, either. But they could be happy together, happier than she'd ever been with InuYasha. And that, she decided was all that mattered.
Smiling, she pressed her lips gently to his and felt his surprise before he gently kissed her back.
She'd made her choice and she would never look back.